I thought I’d give fiction a try. This is just an idea I had and love for some feedback. Story done by me- and as always, I hope you enjoy.
I looked up at his face. Hard, rugged yet beautiful. His face was soft, his jawline strong and his eyes deep. He had this expression on his face like nothing needed to be said, it was almost like a smile with every part of his body.
He was looking at our hands, palm in palm, our fingers were intwined and his thumb was stroking the ring.
He saw my eyes flutter open, which made the ends of his lips turn up while looking straight into my eyes. He said one word, the singular word.
It was amazing how that one word had so much reassurance, so much love but at the same time held so many lies.
That is when everything around me disintegrated, turning into ash.
It wasn’t a nightmare nor a dream. I didn’t wake up gasping for breath, this time, neither did I wake up in a pool of sweat.
This was just a distant memory that I didn’t want to forget. However, it was too painful to remember. Then I remembered a flash, a white hot burst. There was shouting then an arm grabbed me.
When I woke I saw it, the words scrawled on the wall- “nothing lasts forever”. I wasn’t at home, actually in a way I was. I lay on my old bed in my own room, the one I spent my teenage years on. I remember the tears I cried in the pillow, the smiles I experienced whilst laying on the mattress. There were bad times and good but despite all this, I was happy to get away from it. Not that it was bad, I was just excited with my new life.
Laying on the old bed filled with disappointment. I wanted to be on our bed, laying there with him like nothing mattered but instead I was by myself on a single bed. I stroked my hand looking for the ring but it wasn’t there.
I just sobbed into my pillow like I used to when I was younger. Except it wasn’t anything like those times, because through the confusion and heartache I still had the future to look forward to. Now there was nothing.
I remember when I used to cry I could hear the most mundane things and they would become so comforting. The kettle whistling, the phone ringing or the television playing in the background. It was an odd comfort. Only silence existed now.
Another flash abruptly came back to me, his face over the colourless surrounding. Ther was still some hope I felt. I remember him coming closer to me but for this reason, he was now further away then ever.
I was just there. Waiting for someone to come, anyone.
I waited for a good few hours, I don’t know what time I woke up but at 10.02 my mum walked in. She was holding a tray. “Hey, honey,” she started. “Breakfast” she said as she put down the tray in front of me. “How you doing?”
I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know what to say or know how to feel.
“Do you still see him?” She asked but just that was enough for me to breakdown. She hugged me but the hard silence just returned.
I fell asleep in her arms but when I woke up she was gone. She always came in to check on me and I loved her for it. She didn’t know what to do but still tried even dad came in to see me. We didn’t talk about because he knew he couldn’t instead he sat there and told me about his day, just little stories.
I scanned the room and saw a figure in the corner of my room saw him. I could spot him right away.
He had the same look in his eyes and his face was soft. He walked over to me and stroked my hair pushing it away from face. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he said. “You just looked so peaceful. I don’t think I told you this before but I love the way you look when you sleep. So at peace, expressionless. It’s just the time when you look the most beautiful”.
He held my gaze and I simply nodded. There was so much I had to say but I couldn’t. Tears formed in my eyes and I couldn’t even fight them back.
He smiled, like he understood but this just made me angry. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t.
“You know I’ve really missed you”.
I haven’t spoken since the last time i saw him but I managed to squeak out, “nothing lasts forever”. He just smiled. I was so angry that I didn’t realise that he started stroking my stomach. “Come on babe, we’re in this together, all of us”.
I said, “I love you despite everything”.
“I love you too, never forget that,” he said, whilst leaning in closer to me.
Not even my delusions were good. That’s a happy thought but what happened before me was different.
I saw a figure and he walked out. Nothing. No smile or reassurance. He walked over- limp and lifeless. I sat up and hugged my knees, putting my head down. I felt his hand graze my back and when I looked up I realised that even his eyes were different, they were empty. He looked like a completely different person, no longer mine. “Everything has changed you know that?”
Was that supposed to be my reassurance. I didn’t feel sad, instead rage washed over me.
“That’s all you can say? After everything you have done to me. You wanna remind me of every other shit thing happening in my life? Because you don’t have to, I know. I don’t forget but don’t you dare remind me.”
He was no longer expressionless actually he looked hurt. I still loved him and this made me feel even worse.
“Babe, I know you’re upset. I want you to have everything even without me.” This made my eyes sting whilst my vision blurred. I just jumped on him and hugged him.
“I want you to stay”, I cried in his ear, “why do you have to leave again?”
“You know why,” he said, holding me closer to him. “But at least you would always have a part of me with you,” he placed his hand on my stomach.
I cried harder. “No I don’t. I don’t even have you anymore and it’s gone. I didn’t even know the sex, it was nameless. I have nothing. That’s what you left me with”.
“You need to know that if I had a choice I would never leave. I wanna stay with you forever”.
“But that’s just it- nothing lasts forever.”
“You have to know I didn’t leave you. I was taken.”
“Whatever. Just go back.”
I then got another flash- the rest of it. It was just white then the colour started to come back. The flames got bigger and closer, I felt beads of sweat down my forehead. Then I saw him. His hand grabbed me and pulled away from everything- and away from him.
He didn’t leave me but he was still gone. Because of me.
It’s like he could read my mind because at that moment he said “I love you, you know that right?”
I nodded, “I love you too. So much. I’m so sorry”. I was so sick of it- crying but I still did. I cried uncontrollably.
“There’s no need to be. I saved you so you could live your life. That’s really what I want you to do.”
“I can’t live- not without you”.
There was a pause, it was the dark silence again. I wanted to say everything- how much I hated him for doing it. But how much I loved him for it. I didn’t know what to think. A million thoughts surrounded me, wrapped around me like a shell, the shell I have lived in since that day. I had to let it go- just stop.
I almost forget he was there. “Babe, tell me what you’re thinking”.
“Nothing”, I said honestly, “I’m done”.
“I want you to come, but that’s just selfish”.
“I want to come with you”.
“You gotta know what you’re doing. Remember babe I’m-“. I wouldn’t even listen to the last word.
I knew, nothing could change my mind. So he took my hand and pulled me away from this. I left the pain, despair and sadness but I also everything I loved the emotions that made me feel I deserved it, the things that made it worthwhile, I left my parents and loved ones. That was it, no goodbyes just us getting swallowed by the darkness together. Just like that- gone. Forever.
That was the night she died. At 23.58. No one knows what happened, she didn’t commit suicide as far as the police know. No drugs were found in her system.
It’s almost like she died of grief and accepted it.
“Dead” that was the last word he used before it happened and she still accepted it. That was it.