Nothing Wrong With Dreaming

“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”
β€” John Lennon

Screw real people. I don’t think I’m a dreamer, I would probably pin myself as a realist. I know real life but I don’t think there’s anything wrong living in your imagination.

Do you want the full hard truth? Well, if you’ve read my previous blogs then you would know that I don’t think of myself as a typical teenage girl. I’m not obsessed with having a boyfriend or sex.
To be honest I haven’t had a proper boyfriend and I have no intention to, yet. I don’t think any guy would want me as a girlfriend.

There is one thing I have in common with these girls though. I want that guy, even though I don’t want a boyfriend now I sure as hell don’t want to be alone all my life. I don’t believe in fairytales but I think everyone should find someone they will be happy with because no one deserves to live alone.

I wrote this because all my friends talk about the perfect guy for each other, who is going to get married first and who they are most likely to end up with.
We do talk about celebrities a lot as well and just like a million other girls out there I love Taylor Lautner. I’m sixteen, there’s nothing wrong with a celebrity crush. To be honest he’s the only reason I watched the twilight movies. Although I enjoyed the last one (but let’s not go to into that).

Now be honest. I won’t ask about what you look for in a guy because this blog was tacky and clichΓ© enough. But who is you celebrity crush?
Everyone has one, some are even embarrassing. I think people love the idea of this so called perfection it blinds us from what they are really like instead we build them up how we want them to be.

Thanks for reading (sorry this blog was kind of amateurish).

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Believe in Something

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.”
β€” Malcolm X

If you strip away someone’s beliefs what are they left with? You would be taking their faith, morals, and ultimately their self. Beliefs are what shapes people it makes them who they are. My belief has influenced throughout my life and has taught me so many things. I’m a Muslim and I’m proud. It has helped me to develop all through my life and has showed me that not everything is one sided. There are so many ways to look at something and my religion has taught me this and appreciate it. I write to express myself and I’m not going to let anyone take that away from me.

The reason I’m saying this is because I honestly believe that my beliefs have made me the person I am and I will never regret it.
People discriminate against religions but I honestly don’t believe they have a right to mock someone’s beliefs. If someone believes something what someone else says don’t matter.

I think beliefs mean a lot. It may not be a religion but belief in hope, justice or morals.

Comment in what you believe in and never let anyone say otherwise.
Thanks for reading.

Waiting for the Answer

I just sat there. So helpless, so useless. I sat there on the hard blue chairs, surrounded by those spotlessly clean, white walls. I sat there, waiting.

The clock kept ticking and ticking, it’s been an hour. Two hours. Three. Four. I just stopped counting, what exactly was I waiting for? I was trapped by those walls and couldn’t possibly leave. I didn’t want to leave.

I felt like it was just me. Alone.
It wasn’t though, I could hear the machines bleeping, the kids playing, their parents praying. It wasn’t just me. This wasn’t about me anymore, it never was to begin with.

Just a boy who couldn’t love. However boy met girl and they fell in love. It’s like she was waiting for me but now I waited for her. We didn’t get our happy ending yet. I wondered if we ever would.

The way she smiled, I thought while I buried my face buried in my hands. She always seemed so happy but looking back it seemed like I looked through her like everyone else. I was no different.

The night we watched a cheesy movie and we were making fun of it the whole night. She laughed so much and I loved every minute being with her. She was in fact so different.

Then I remembered the afternoon I found her vomiting. She just finished eating. I didn’t realise she how small she had gotten until that moment. That was our biggest argument and our relationship wasn’t the same after that. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love her the same, if anything more. I felt as though she needed me.

The morning I found scars patterned on her arms. She cried, she broke down. They were so deep and she was so fragile. I never would have guessed behind her laughter was screams. Behind her smile was agony.

She promised she would stop but clearly she didn’t. Maybe stopping was a way of saying she would hide it better.
She stopped cutting on obvious places like her arms and instead cut places I didn’t check. I checked every other day and didn’t tell anyone because she promised she would stop and I believed her.

Now I sit here, waiting for answer.
Did I want her to live? She could still harm herself, treat her body badly. She would only be prolonging her pain. In the end it would still catch up with her. Death could’ve been an escape for her. From her life, people- and from me.

However I didn’t want her to die. She could’ve changed. There was nothing to get away from wasn’t the most popular but she had friends, she wasn’t perfect but that didn’t mean people didn’t love her. She could’ve had a happy life, maybe not even with me but with someone. She would’ve had kids. She would have been the mum that is the first to apply for everything, attends all the evenings and meetings. The one that loves with all her heart.

I heard the door open abruptly and took me out of my trail of thought. My head shot up and I got the answer I needed.

This is a subject I feel very passionate about because it affects so many people.
I think it would be interesting to see how everyone else thought it would end. Write the ending πŸ™‚ thanks for reading.

The Power of Words

“She was fascinated with words. To her, words were things of beauty, each like a magical powder or potion that could be combined with other words to create powerful spells.”
β€” Dean Koontz (Lightning)

I know people a lot of the time talk about the power of words and how it can change a person. It can.
However their words don’t mean anything unless we let them.

Everyone’s been called words; slut, ugly, bitch. At one point I cared what people thought of me, but now I really couldn’t care less.
I guess I’m writing this because today someone called me and I quote “hash tag ugly”and it brought back a memory a few years ago when this guy called me words and I cared, of course I fought back but most of the time it still hurt.

I’m writing this for a weird way of venting. I’m not the kind of person who likes discussing everything with a person because I don’t want the pity or the sympathy. People can tell you that they understand but they don’t and if they have it worse than you then you don’t want to bother them with your problems.

Behind these words are cowards- and they are truly pathetic people. I guess if your at a stage when you feel upset just think these people are pathetic people and you sure as hell don’t need their approval and honestly don’t want it.

You’re great the way you are and don’t need to change (tacky, I know, but true).
Thanks for reading

Superheroes

“For me, Superman’s greatest contribution has never been the superhero part: it’s the Clark Kent part – the idea that any of us, in all our ordinariness, can change the world.”
β€” Brad Meltzer

Magic, radioactive waste, genetically enhanced spiders. Shockingly, this isn’t what made them heroes they could have easily used it for evil. It’s how they used it.
Some weren’t even superheroes they didn’t change their DNA or use magic, they simply had a will to do so. Batman created himself, anyone with a few billion pounds and a will could have done it, superman still had to make himself he had his advantages but the rest was up to him.

These heroes may not exist but it doesn’t mean heroes don’t. It’s not the celebrity who you call a hero, it’s the people who have always been there and there is a moment when you realise how great they are. I think people are born with greatness but its up to them if they live up to it. I have heroes, “normal” people are heroes to me, to someone they may be normal but to me they are not.

I think the great thing about superheroes are maybe to a person they are perfect or close to perfect- this idea that it is completely unattainable is amazing, it’s something to aspire to. You can never quite reach it but if you come close, you would have achieved greatness along the way.
Having powers is an advantage what you do to get there is completely up to you.

The thing is if you could be a hero, would you? You have to think about what’s at stake, the sacrifices and the responsibility. I think it’s like anything- you have to work hard.
I think the superpowers would be so cool (you have to be a weirdo not to think this). What power would you choose?

Patience Invisibility is a virtue. I would like to be invisible, I mean people won’t bug you. The people you don’t like wont have to see you. I think people love attention and need to be seen, I don’t need people’s approval. I think right now I’m kind of invisible. Invisibility would probably be a back up.
I would pick time travel. You could get extra sleep, it could save you from saying something stupid (I say a lot of stupid stuff without realising). Homework, no problem. Ultimately, you would make a difference and its useful, you can help people. I would probably have the name “Kairos” which is time in Greek- I know, not very creative.

What power would you pick and what would you like to be called? Be creative!

Who inspires you?

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
β€” Marilyn Monroe

People with stories. People with a terrible past. People who live.
Writing has made me wonder who inspires you? Maybe a tv character, an athlete, a celebrity, anyone. Some of them I don’t understand, some I do.

The people who inspire me are my family. They are great people, they will be behind me always and despite everything. They haven’t had everything but they rise above it. They are fighters.

Really, the smallest things can influence me.
These guys on YouTube was another thing inspired me to also write these blogs. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s there videos they’re amazing. It’s the sort of videos you could watch over and over again. (If you’re wondering- these people are called Wong fu productions- you should check them out.)

Even with the smallest things that inspire me, my family always have some influence. We all have it- my mum, dad, brother and sometimes that aunt who you realise is so brave, my grandma who you just love and has always been strong, that immature uncle who can just make you laugh.

Now, who inspires you? Leave a comment below πŸ™‚

Thanks for reading

Life Goes On

“He who opens a school door, closes a prison.”
β€” Victor Hugo

I’ve have kind of been experiencing writers block lately so I really don’t know what to write about. I decided I’ll just talk about school.
It comes across like I really hate school- I do hate it but sometimes there are them moments that really do make it worth it. The memories. The experiences.

Ugh, gosh back to school. Half terms over and so I’m back to that hellhole. I hate school, everyone’s too fake or trying so hard to be fake, they don’t realise what terrible people they are. Everyone else is either too judgmental or sucking up to the so-called “populars” to care.
To me it just feels like you and everyone else. Even when you finally let someone in and they do something that makes you wish you didn’t. People will always let you down. People are perfect but no one is- as long as they put up with your flaws, you should put up with theirs. I think friendship is loving them despite this.

Whenever you say to someone you can’t wait to get out of school they say that you will miss it and it really is the best time of your life. Alright, face it times have changed and I’m not you. Sure, you will miss your friends, but memories have been made and now it’s gone. The people who really meant anything are still with you and will be.
What else is there to miss, the cliques? The constant pressure? The people telling you that you’re not good enough?

For some people this is truly the best time of your life, which is truly depressing. So get your bags ready and relish in the future disappointment.
How sad do you have to be to think that the best times of your life is one moment. The best times are never truly over. You go to school to get a better life, it isn’t your life. It defines you but in no way does it become you.
After school feel free to look back at these times but never wish to go back. There is always ways to make new memories and live a life.

This is a cynical view but its my view. Maybe one day it won’t but for now it is.

Thanks for reading.

Facing Monsters

I know Halloween is over but I just wrote this. Only when I finished I realised it was kind of like beauty and the beast but I hope you like it anyway. I welcome all feedback. This is a story of overcoming fears and stereotypes in order to help someone desperately in need of it.

20.00 United Kingdom, England. It’s November so the sun has already been replaced by the moon. Clouds have covered the moon and there is nothing- the powers out. No light, nothing but the darkness.
I walk around the house waiting for someone to come home- anyone. I walk up the stairs closer and closer into the darkness, almost swallowed by the jaws of them.
I heard the door slam and floorboards creak. It was probably nothing but I had to get it out of my system so I slowly made my way up the stairs.
I used the torch on my phone to see where I was going as I was on the last step I realised how ridiculous I was being. There was nothing there.
I turned around and looked into directly into the eyes of a blood thirsty monster.

It was a blur. I woke up on the floor it is carpet but still had no real comfort, I realised there was a pillow underneath my head. I was still groggy. There was a glass of water beside me, I was sure not to drink any. Nothing made sense -what happened? I remember the lights were out and darkness.
Now the lights were on, it burned my eyes. I looked around and saw the monster.
Except it wasn’t a monster it was boy. His features were distinctive and his build was overly muscly- it wasn’t hard to mistake him for a monster because his hair was desperately in need of a cut and he needed a shave.
I immediately jumped up, a stranger in my house, how did he get in? What was he doing?
“Who are you?” I managed to choke out. My knees were shaking, I could barely keep myself up.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just I haven’t eaten for ages. My parents threw me out a while ago and I had nowhere to go so I’ve been sleeping rough since then.” His eyes were genuinely hurt and his face softened. And his voice, it was soothing, not raspy like a monster but concerned and a bit panicked.
“Well I’m sorry but you have to leave”. I did feel sorry for him he looked not much older than me and his life was so different.
“If it’s worth anything I really am sorry. The lights were out so I thought no one was home. I was just going to get some food and maybe any loose change. I didn’t mean to scare or hurt you.” He began to make his way to the door.
I don’t know what I was thinking because I would never do something like this. “Stop”. I called after him. “What’s your name?” I wasn’t scared of him.
“I stopped using my name a while ago, people just call me Monster. For obvious reasons.” His voice was still oddly calm, and more relaxed.
I grabbed my purse from the ledge and pulled out whatever money was in there. I was surprised none was missing, he didn’t take any. I gave it to him. “You really need this more than I do. You seem like a nice guy and just don’t spend it on drugs. Fix yourself up and I know you can have a better life.”
He just looked at me frozen. Like its the most amazing thing in the world. We just kind of stood there for a while, in silence, peaceful. “I can give you some food as long as you promise to spend the money to sort yourself out.” He promised, it was something I just had to believe, I saw the moon was away from the clouds and shimmering. It was beautiful.
It was the weirdest thing, the Monster and I. He told me about his life, not what happened with his parents just friends he made on the streets. He’s lived on the streets 3 years and said in that time he has “never been so touched by someone’s generosity”. I didn’t understand it wasn’t that much money and I could barely cook, I hope one day I would understand. To be honest, I hoped one day to understand all of it, how his parents could chuck him out and not look back. I didn’t even know there were as many homeless people as he said.
Maybe I was being rude but I still rushed him out of the house not because I was scared of him just because I didn’t know what else to do. I expected him to be hurt but he said he understood. He left the house at 21.14 with a smile on his face and vowed to never break his word.
My parents came back at 21.20 and I told them everything, they said what I did was stupid. He could have hurt you and I should have called them. I think at the same time they were kind of proud for taking care of someone and thinking about someone else.

I may never see Monster again and he might spend the money on things it wasn’t intended for but I was feeling optimistic. I slept whilst looking at the moon and dreamt.

March. 16.00. It was a normal day. The sun was shining and I was in the garden. Just doing nothing. I heard a knock on the door and found a boy about 19 years old at the doorstop. His face was familiar, but I couldn’t recognise who it was. He was muscly and had stubble. He was wearing a plain top with black jeans.
“We didn’t meet properly last time but my name is Jude and you changed my life.” With that I recognised him, his voice.
My parents came to see who was at the door and asked “whose this?” I smiled and simply replied “him”.
It took them a while, to them he was just a normal boy, a few scars, very strong build and eyes that experienced so much beyond their years.
Eventually they realised and first they were a bit pissed at him. They spoke to him for a good few hours and I guess they understood.
He wasn’t a monster just a boy, now he wouldn’t be mistaken for one again. He got a job, a simple one, not the best paid one, lived in a decent flat with another person. It just took a simple thing to change his life.

He lived with it all his life. The monster and the girl were friends for many years until finally they got married. It wasn’t perfect, they argued, he still got some unnecessary visits from the past. She understood it as much as she could and it was hard but it was worth it.
The monster was tamed but still a part of their lives.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.

Crushed

“The worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting right next to you and know you can never have them.”

Who still remembers their first crush? Not just a name but how old you were, why you liked them, how they made you feel. Just everything.

I remember mine and how I felt at the time. Butterflies, yeah they’re cute and at the time I didn’t mind it. Maybe there great for other people because they like the feeling but it isn’t for me. I’m nervous and awkward enough as it is, some people look really cute when they have butterflies. I feel sick as I’m not great with emotions and feelings, I can’t even stand when people cry simply because I don’t know what to do.

Crushes are okay if you really believe that it could be more and I thought that at one point, but there aren’t always fairytale endings for some people.
My first crush was a really good friend and I was too scared to tell him how I felt because I knew I would ruin our friendship and he would never like me back. I know exactly why- because I’m ugly, awkward and well a “loser”. I guess it didn’t bother me at least he was a friend and I knew we would be friends for a long time.

But I was wrong we quickly started to drift apart and now he doesn’t even acknowledge me. I see him all the time and he looks at me like a stranger. No greeting or smile- just nothing.
I guess I’m a bit upset that I didn’t tell him because know when I think about it I wonder what he would say. At the same time he quickly forgot me so it shows how strong our “friendship” was. So I kind of saved myself the embarrassment and effort. Looking back I really couldn’t care less.
People will come and go in your life no matter how much you wish otherwise. Sometimes you don’t get a proper hello or goodbye but you know when this happens. Sometimes it may not even be a goodbye. Some people will never truly say goodbye to their loved ones, this can be a positive as well as a negative.

What brought this on was that I was watching old videos and he was in it. I looked at him in such a weird way which I thought was kind of cute but also embarrassing. To be honest I wanted to be a typical teen and just crawl into a ball and cry. Then I thought about it and said no. Seriously what good would that do, it won’t solve anything and he wasn’t worth the trouble.

I got plenty of time in life to think about boys and marriage, so right now I’m not going to stress about it. For now I’m over crushes, I’m gonna sound selfish and say that right now I’m going to worry about me.
As a young person now we have so much to stress about- so this is one less thing to stress about.
Just because there are no fairytale endings doesn’t mean there aren’t happy endings.

Thanks for reading πŸ˜€

Dear “nobody”

Dear “nobody”,

Did you know there were 3 people that led straight to you. They all are things that made me myself.

The first person showed me hope. I remember feeling nothing just numbness, no hope. I didn’t know what to believe but someone changed that in an instant. She told me what she believed and listened to me. She listened to how hurt I was and she was so selfless, this gave me hope. I had something to believe again, this person gave me hope and for this I give her my heart.

I remember loneliness, all alone. I trusted no one and never let them in. And people accepted it. Until finally someone broke down these walls, shattered it into a million pieces. It was so delicate and easy, no tried except for her. This person had courage and willpower, and this was enough.
She made me trust and I gave her the pieces of this wall- the remains of what was gone.

I remember her always being there for me. From when we met to whenever. The years went by too quickly, the wounds took too long too heal, there wasn’t enough time. I remember her always smiling anyway, the ability to always be positive amazed me. All this time we knew eachother and it turned out all along I already gave my years to her.

This was you, all of these people show you and the qualities are what I love about you the most. You made me a better person. You gave me hope, trust and time- and it was everything we needed. You had the courage, ability and belief to do so- and the integrity all the way through.

The truth is this isn’t to nobody, it’s to you and you’re everything. You once believed that you were nothing but I showed you that you weren’t. You’re everything the girl next door, the strong one, the one who doesn’t take other people’s crap.

This is what made me love you and what made our 63 years together amazing. Sure not everyday was great but nothing compared to how I felt about you.
I love you.

The man placed this letter on his wife’s grave. He parted but still with a smile because the memories were enough- for now.

*Do you find this to be a happy story or sad story? Honestly I think it’s happy because they spent all there lives together and even after her death he still loves her.
I’d love for your feedback.
Thanks for reading πŸ˜€