A while back I wrote a post called is it really worth it? You can read it here. Anyway this is a sort of follow up to it.
I questioned school and just everything life leads up to and concluded that it really was worth it. I felt like I was so sure that everything would work it and it will be okay. However in light of recent events I have begun asking the same question but this time I don’t think I’ll have the same conclusion.
I’ve at that stage where I am applying for universities and now am anxiously awaiting their replies. First off all, I’m 17 how ridiculous is it that I have to decide what I want to do now. Also I’ve applied for something that I find reasonable. There’s no passion for me in it, I’m just doing it for the sake of doing it.
So is that what life will be for me just getting by. Doing a normal job with normal people and I count the time until the end of the day. well I’m already living like that.
I wanted to do something amazing. I didn’t want to do something average. But what’s so great about me that I need to be so different? Why should I live any different from those billions of people in the world working round the clock. Just passing by. Waiting for inevitable death (okay, that was a bit dramatic).
It’s just I’ve always thought I would make a difference or help people. But I’ve not done anything, I don’t even think that I’ve ever brightened anyone’s day up. All those things I’ve wanted to do when I was little and you realise that you can’t do any of that stuff.
I mean, Ive been in school since I was three and then I you hope to get to a good secondary school. From then you work hard to get to a good university and then you study for university just to get to this point. You work hard, work harder just to be unhappy at the end of it. And that’s it.
That’s just it, no one will remember you. (Yes, I believe in the afterlife but let’s not get into that).
In this world you are just another that just lived and walked the same steps as any other person.
If you’re looking for some conclusion or answer I’m afraid I can’t give you that because I don’t even have one myself. All I can say right now that I’m absolutely sure of is that i could be happier. Im not sad. I’m not depressed but I’m just feeling hopeless. Which, at the end of the day, is pretty much the same thing.