My Good Streak Of Interviews Is Over

Okay let me try to put this into perspective. I’m a pretty unconfident nervous motherfucker. I have ridiculously low self esteem so interviews for me have always been a challenge. Because of this I always prepare. I write down perfect answers and practise. This has lead to past success. I haven’t had many interviews admittedly, a few for uni and a few for jobs so yesterday the success rate was 100%. Which for someone who is nervous and scared that they never get it is such a big achievement.

As I applied to placements with my failure of last year’s grades weighing on my shoulders, I dealt with a lot of rejection letters without even getting an interview. I finally landed an interview. On the day of my exam when I had work a day before and 3 days notice for the interview. With the stress of work and the exam, I couldn’t practise or prepare. I somehow gained confidence and convinced myself to rely on my wit and my love for engineering. My track record was good and I was convinced if they met me then I would be fine.

Long story short, I got rejected for the first time after an interview. I wasn’t surprised, I was convinced they liked me but the interview was a mess. I was a mess. I got tripped up on discussing my weaknesses and ultimately ended up saying “I can’t think of any weaknesses” then quickly scrambling my mind for weaknesses. Such a common question.
It’s harder than when they reject you after they meet you and especially when you can really see yourself being there. It’s hard building something in your mind and having it taken away. Goodbye engineering placement, I’ll try again because I’ve got to get my track record back up again. 

Comment some of your interview stories, I’d love to hear it!

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Exams Are Too Close And I’m Too Unprepared

It’s that dreaded time in the summer for all of students. For those who have completed their studies and no longer have this stress then congratulations, just know we are still struggling and we hate that you’re enjoying your summer.

So exams are right round the corner, it has probably already started for some people. First of all, good luck. Second of all, its not a big deal.
Not quite what you were expecting right?

Okay, so we as a generation have such an unhealthy attitude towards exams. As if it’s no surprise, as we are told from a young age that you must go to school and you must get good grades and then after that you’re happy. Your life and subsequent happiness hinge on the grades you get. This small insignificant number defines you. Well, big news flash: it doesn’t.
Those doing GCSEs (ages 14-16), kids I can’t remember my results. Minimum C grades for most jobs and unis.
Next, the dreaded A levels (ages 16-18), I got below all my predicted grades. As well as that when I applied for universities, I did it completely aimlessly. I didn’t even think about my what I wanted to do as a course and applied for pharmacy.. PHARMACY! It’s a good job but not for me. So I got into my insurance (one university choice) and rejected it. I then went through clearing and so glad I did.

Even now when I speak to my parents telling them of how much I’m going to fail, they just ask me why I’m freaking out. My parents want me to succeed and do well. Yet they say it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get the grades you want. When I told them I would have wasted two years of my life, my dad just responded, “people waste a lot more time.” I don’t know why but that was strangely comforting.

We get so stressed by these numbers and letters that it blurs us from the bigger picture. We procrastinate because we have given up and then in the final push we cram (which is never effective).
The reason we all say we do this: to get a job, make money and be happy. To get a job you apply to placements, someone I know even researched this; the people with good grades often struggle to find jobs because they were too focused on grades rather than experience.
After that you make money. However you want, I encourage you to do it legally (but then again everything is legal if you don’t get caught).
Finally the happiness thing, maybe you will feel good when you get the paper that says you did well. Maybe it will satisfy you. But after a few years would you still recite your grades for a sense of happiness? No. You do this on your own accord. You make your happiness with your friends and adventures. You make the happiness you wish to exist in you.

I Outlived My “Emo” Phase

I was, if my memory serves me right, 16 when I got into rock music and only wanted to wear black. It’s not a phase everyone had but it is one that a lot of teenagers have. The days were My Chemical Romance was salvation for a kid who didn’t quite fit in.

I did enter this stage later than most, where I see 13 year olds having the same phase but they’ve grown out of it.
For me, it’s probably something I will never grow out of. During my high school years I had few friends but I’m glad to say I still speak to the majority of them. Because of my close knit friendship group, I didn’t fit in with anyone else. I didn’t have an urge to be popular but it was more the snide remarks from others that would hurt. People often forget that you’re not an adult at 16, because they want to compare it to the shit they see on TV. You think you’re grown up at 16 but you’re a child. Anything happens and it will affect you.
Me being told I’m ugly at 15 has still damaged me up to today when I’m 20. I’m often told that I’m horrible to myself and that I should improve my self esteem but it’s easier said that done.
My so called emo years helped me to deal with everything. It helped me to grow as a person and just to take one day at a time. I never cried when shit happened. But sometimes I have these moments when everything seems so horrible and I have music. I liked the teenage angst and the guitar solos.

The reason I wanted to write this was because I’m not allowed to have teenage angst at 20 but I still do. I also still see that there are kids that still listen to this music and it helps them more than it helped me. It makes me happy that this music will still live on in these people’s heart even when they outlive this thing they will one day call a phase.

I truly believe I did not have an emo phase. I never got the scene haircut, I just used to hide behind my fringe. I didn’t always wear black. But my skin was pale and my hair was dark however my eyeliner was never as dark as I wanted it to be. So when people called me an emo or a goth I didn’t care. Because the people that were my heroes were called this and they weren’t so I didn’t mind.

I’m 20 and I will probably always love My Chemical Romance and listen to Fall Out Boy. I will forever have a crush on Gerard Way and think that Andy Biersack is hot. I will forever remember their lyrics because the memories were too great for me not to. They were too kind to me during the years and somehow understood me.