Too Young To Give Up, Too Cynical To Dream  

One of my closest friends is experiencing the first time in her life a lack of ambition. She has no plan and her dreams that once were are now gone. In order to battle her lack of morale she asks others what they’re dreams are. Insight, motivation, any would do for her. 

When she asked me and it dawned on me I have no dreams. It’s never bothered me. I’d rather be stuck in the now and worry about the future when it comes. I simply told her, “I have no dream. I’m just trying to get by.” At this moment of time just living is hard enough so I’ve never looked to the future. It doesn’t bug me that I dont have a dream. Either way, no matter what we do we are gonna wake up at 40 thinking that we haven’t achieved anything, so why set myself up for failure?

For me, I’m looking for a job. So far I’m unsuccessful but im still in university. My lack of dream doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. My dream will come to me. Maybe. Most probably not. 

At this moment of time I still don’t really care. 

Being a Middle Child Sucks

I’m not sure if it’s like this in all families but TV and my own personal experience back this up. I have a weird family situation but essentially my mum has just me and my brother. So not the middle child here. However my dad has 4 kids and I happen to be the third. 

I’ve always been insecure that I’m the least favourite. One time my dad read my diary and I said he liked them more than me (as well as reading who I was crushing on, which for a 10 year old was absolutely devastating). All he said was that he liked us all the same. 

He could say that a thousand times but I wouldn’t believe him. That’s not the point either way. I just want to know why the eldest are the most liked because they’re the oldest. If you’re doing it because you’ve known them the longest then why are the youngest not the least favourite. Is it because you feel the need to baby them even though they are adults. 

This was stupid. I’m just trying to do this as way to make myself feel better. But who else needs to read a blog post of complete self pity? 

Happy Birthday To Me

I’m 21 today!! I went out with my friends and had a good time. We had good food, hella chocolate. I was happy. We sang and danced but towards the end I became uneasy. 

I don’t know why. I had this plan of the time I would leave and also exactly what we are doing. So I knew. No surprises. Easy. 

I couldn’t stay out longer than that. It just made me feel anxious. 

I have a small window of me actually being fun to be around. So maybe my time was up. I don’t know if it’s me being genuinely introverted or just feeling unnecessarily anxious.

Why do i feel anxious? I just really wanted to go home.

But I’m going to stop being a negative Nancy and focus on the good side of today. I had fun. Despite wanting to leave early. And also I got my rook pierced so all in all not bad at all.