What The Fuck Should I Do Now?

There’s a stage in your life when everyone is telling you what to do. Ideas float past but never stick.
This is the time to decide, it’s seriously time to sort your shit out.

Maybe it’s a small gesture which is introduced or a force that needs to reckoned with. Either way it’s time to realise that you’re not a kid anymore (despite how much you try).

You start thinking about the future but you’re drawn to blank.

From when I was younger, I wanted to be an architect. But they said you have to take art and I said fuck it.

A little while later I wanted to work for grazia but they said its a difficult industry. So I tried thinking of something more realistic.

I then said I want to be nothing. And they said you have to do something.

So now it’s hard, the feelings of having all my old dreams backed up on me realise how unworthy I am of my own dream. A dream I have created.

Now the question I ask is can I be?
Well simply yes but what can I do?

I’m just doing things for the sake of doing it not because I want to. So far it’s been very unfulfilling.

That’s not how I want to live.
But I need to know how to live.

I’m currently interested in either economics or journalism, but i guess I’m just as confused now as I was when I started this.

I know at the end of a post there’s usually a resolution or realisation, but that doesn’t always happen.
I’m writing this for my future self who hopefully has there life together (or as much as I can have). I guess I’m going to have to remind myself that it’s okay to not to know what to do and that’s fine.

But if anyone is looking for a unskilled, talentless teen then you know who to call.

No, seriously I need a job.

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We Are Ugly

Beauty is only skin deep and that’s why people strive for. However, ugly goes down to the bone. So why is this generation so obsessed with being pretty- and they want to be ugly inside.

It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty, ugly, fat or skinny- at the end of the day- according to society there is still something wrong with you.
Despite this we still can try only to be put to the same position because at the end of the day we are still ugly.

So what? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? So either we are all ugly or all beautiful. What does it matter were still humans. I’d like to think everyone’s beautiful. Because in some way- believe it or not- we all are beautiful. There is some redeeming quality in us all.

So you know what, fuck society. Fuck what they tell us. All that really matters is what we think.
And if you still think you’re ugly remember this

“I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you’re out there and you’re cute, maybe you’re beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin’ — there’s more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.”
― Frank Zappa

Back to Reality

“I believe that you’ve created a metaphorical universe in which you can express your darkest fears. In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves, and sometimes we do such a good job, we lose track of reality.”
— Laurie Halse Anderson (Wintergirls)

Reality. That’s it. It’s harsh, cruel but undeniably beautiful. This is where the memories happen, the good times and unfortunately also the bad. It has emotion, feeling, everything to do about anything.

People can be dreamers, realists, optimists, whatever. Overall, there is still the real world.
People can dream. They may never get famous. Or rich. They may never get married. Or have kids.

What’d do you want? Because there are some people who do get it. Even those who don’t, who is to say they are not happy. Maybe those who got what they wanted aren’t happy because they haven’t appreciated it, they’ve never worked for it and always want more.

It’s what you make it, no matter who you are you need an aspiration. Sure for some it’s easier but you still have to try. It would be even worse thinking what if.
Reality isn’t bad, reality is what you make it.

Now honestly what do you want?
I know this is tacky, but I choose happiness.

Believe in Something

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.”
— Malcolm X

If you strip away someone’s beliefs what are they left with? You would be taking their faith, morals, and ultimately their self. Beliefs are what shapes people it makes them who they are. My belief has influenced throughout my life and has taught me so many things. I’m a Muslim and I’m proud. It has helped me to develop all through my life and has showed me that not everything is one sided. There are so many ways to look at something and my religion has taught me this and appreciate it. I write to express myself and I’m not going to let anyone take that away from me.

The reason I’m saying this is because I honestly believe that my beliefs have made me the person I am and I will never regret it.
People discriminate against religions but I honestly don’t believe they have a right to mock someone’s beliefs. If someone believes something what someone else says don’t matter.

I think beliefs mean a lot. It may not be a religion but belief in hope, justice or morals.

Comment in what you believe in and never let anyone say otherwise.
Thanks for reading.

Life Goes On

“He who opens a school door, closes a prison.”
— Victor Hugo

I’ve have kind of been experiencing writers block lately so I really don’t know what to write about. I decided I’ll just talk about school.
It comes across like I really hate school- I do hate it but sometimes there are them moments that really do make it worth it. The memories. The experiences.

Ugh, gosh back to school. Half terms over and so I’m back to that hellhole. I hate school, everyone’s too fake or trying so hard to be fake, they don’t realise what terrible people they are. Everyone else is either too judgmental or sucking up to the so-called “populars” to care.
To me it just feels like you and everyone else. Even when you finally let someone in and they do something that makes you wish you didn’t. People will always let you down. People are perfect but no one is- as long as they put up with your flaws, you should put up with theirs. I think friendship is loving them despite this.

Whenever you say to someone you can’t wait to get out of school they say that you will miss it and it really is the best time of your life. Alright, face it times have changed and I’m not you. Sure, you will miss your friends, but memories have been made and now it’s gone. The people who really meant anything are still with you and will be.
What else is there to miss, the cliques? The constant pressure? The people telling you that you’re not good enough?

For some people this is truly the best time of your life, which is truly depressing. So get your bags ready and relish in the future disappointment.
How sad do you have to be to think that the best times of your life is one moment. The best times are never truly over. You go to school to get a better life, it isn’t your life. It defines you but in no way does it become you.
After school feel free to look back at these times but never wish to go back. There is always ways to make new memories and live a life.

This is a cynical view but its my view. Maybe one day it won’t but for now it is.

Thanks for reading.

Ordinary people

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
― Maya Angelou

I don’t believe that there are ordinary people because everyone can achieve greatness. I don’t believe in normal because no one is the same. If you truly believe someone is ordinary then you just don’t know them well enough. People may see me as ordinary, because I’m not pretty or popular- I’m just me. I’m quiet but trust me when you get to know me I’m so much weirder than you could imagine.

I don’t believe ordinary exists but extraordinary does. You may not see extraordinary everyday but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, because its there- it is silent and beautiful. The people you see everyday could have the most extraordinary personality, the biggest problems and most amazing dreams and memories to go. Problems is what makes extraordinary come true, if there were no problems then they would have nothing to arise from, nothing to learn from or to live from.

I know strong people, they have endured so much in life but still can wake up everyday and can still have a great day. These people are those who inspire me not those who turn up in the magazines or are considered heroes by the smallest most irrelevant things. People go through so much hardship, battle so much but leave all the crap and are still great. This is what I aspire to and these are the traits I would like when I’m older; strength, courage, dignity.
For those who did endure such pain probably didn’t get everything they wanted or asked for. The people who were there with you may not have been the right people- not the ones who you imagined. But are these really the wrong people?
My answer is no. People won’t always be with you but whoever wasn’t there with you didn’t deserve to be and those who were they are the right people. They are the ones who stayed when things got bad and stayed despite the flaws, these are the people that should be held onto. And in there own way they are extraordinary.

Thank you for reading 🙂

Is it really worth it?

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
― Langston Hughes

All my life I’ve been told to do stuff, been fed information. Everything right now seems quite futile. Do homework, go school, eat, sleep and wake up to do the exact same thing. It’s like I’m getting bossed around an told off by teachers, telling me to do stuff and I think don’t worry this will change in uni. In uni I would get more independent but there will still be something controlling me; deadlines, exams, stress. Then you go off to work just to get bossed around again. When I think about it like this I think what’s the point, is it really worth it?

I’m not going to be those moody teens who complain that nobody loves me and my life sucks.
What I’m trying to say is in between all this it’s so easy to give up but in the end it will be worth it. The pain is temporary but if we quit then that will last forever.
In school you make these amazing memories with friends and nothing else will matter, not even those few demeaning teachers (and trust me it will only be a few the rest will be good, and you will like them and if not that you would easily put up with them).
In uni you do get your independence and it depends on you, if you keep on top of things and manage it you would have a few good years.
In adulthood you get to start everything, start your life, get married- whatever and if you never made your dreams a reality, it’s never too late or it doesn’t matter anymore because there are new ones.

Also in between everything that happens you have to remember that there are people who are supporting you. I know I would always have my family backing me. For some people they may not have that but there is always someone that believes in you whether it be your friends, spouse or even a stranger.

Endings

“Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don’t really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren’t really an ending; some things are never-ending.”
― C. JoyBell C.

In my previous blog I wrote about beginnings, I felt that it was fitting to also talk about endings . Endings are never great even if it may be better, people don’t want it because we simply don’t like change.
Coming to terms with endings are never easy too. It’s like saying goodbye to part of your life, to a part of yourself. People can say that they’ll be perfectly content with memories but we can’t live on memories we need to be reminded of it. We need to see these people we have these great memories with.
You walk into a whole new life and the people you love will drift too, but from this it’s about new experiences and meeting new people.

Endings are closure, from the good or the bad. From endings come goodbyes and we forget about the memories and just wonder, what happened? Why can’t things be like this again? From these questions come regrets in which we have to live with. I think the best thing you can do is face up to the problems instead of having to live with them all your life.

I think this builds character and makes you a better person, it shows how you deal with a situations and cliché as it is, how you adapt because in your life you would have experienced this. You need to leave your old experiences and memories in order to create new ones.

Thank you for reading.

Beginnings

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!”
― C. JoyBell C.

People may have a story to share or a heart wrenching tale which gets them to blog. Well for me I guess it’s just something I’ve wanted to for a while, the idea of something being yours and where you can share anything. But the idea of putting yourself out there is kind of daunting. To be honest I had to build up a lot of nerve to do this. I guess I was just afraid. Of what? Your guess is as good as mine.
Seeing as this is the first blog I wanted to talk about beginnings. I’m not going to lie, but they suck. Simply because something had to end for a new beginning, and at times they’re not always better its about making the best of it.
For me I hate beginnings, it’s starting over. New people, new experiences, new everything, essentially a new life. Sometimes things can change for the better but other times this is not the case.

I wrote this blog because its always something I’ve wanted to do but something held me back. Maybe I was scared of what other people may think or say but I’m tired of being scared. I always considered myself quite a shy, reserved person but I don’t wanna be that all my life. I’m not saying I’ll change right away or change completely because I don’t want that. I guess out with the negative qualities and thoughts and soak up the good and i know it wont happen right away but its a start.