Alone.

Alone.
All alone
I’m all alone.
All alone
Alone.

The room, the dingy, small room stretched out before me. There was no way out. There was nothing to do.

So I did what any rational person would do.
I curled up into a ball and cried.
I cried for I don’t know how long.
I cried until there was nothing left.

When I stopped, when I was physically unable to cry any more. I got up. I could feel my hair static, tears dried on my face. I looked horrible.
Yet I still put my self in front of the mirror. My eyes wide, with several dark rings like someone had punched me- I wish it were that simple. My hollowed out face, too skinny to be alive. But why am I still walking? Even though every single step hurts, it hurts even more than the last.

I will show you how beautiful you are. A memory

I turned away from the mirror. I couldn’t handle it. From my sickly grey skin to my empty sad eyes. I was staring at a stranger.
But the person I once was is a distant memory.
So where did that leave me? Who was I?

You are beautiful.
Before.

I would I have walked away but before I could the walls were closing in around me. They were coming closer, and I was helpless. All I could do was stand there and wait for the pain to stop.

I woke up to what felt like weeks later. Still feeling groggy and looked around hoping it was all a dream. No it was all the bitter reality.
Something was different I wasn’t alone. There was someone with me.
In the shadows they were simply a figure, only when they stood up out of the shadows did I realise who it was.

She hadn’t changed. Her hair, her face, her height. All except her expression, cold and hard.
I was glad when she had not changed now there may be hope and I haven’t missed out on anything.

“Hello”.

Her face remained stern.
And we remained silent for a long while.
She didn’t move, or talk and it seemed like she didn’t even breath.
“How are you?”
This question annoyed her. For a brief second her face softened, to something familiar, something human.

“How do you think I am? You left me. Is that the answer you want. What kind of mum does that to her child?”

“I’m sorry”. Was all I said, what else could I say?

“For all those years you missed, of missed performances, assemblies, exams. You’re sorry”.

The tension could be cut with a knife and I did the worst thing, I stayed silent.

“No”, she laughed cynically. “You’re not sorry, that’s beyond your capability. You have no human emotion, your not honest or sincere,or happy or even sad.”

I stayed quiet because I knew it was true. I looked back to a time when I showed one emotion toward her. But I couldn’t find one
So she went on.

“You always wanted me out of the house, was I such a terrible person that my mother couldn’t even stand to be around me.
I wasn’t good enough so you signed me up for everything extracurricular possible.
Even after all that, you left me.
The saddest part was you were all I had.
You wouldn’t even let me have friends around, you wanted me to be as lonely as you.
Well congratulations you got your wish. I’m 27 and still am single. I’m just as inhuman as you.”

Then I saw her, I really saw her. A lady, beautiful even with her hair in her face, in frumpy clothes.
Then I remembered how shy she was.

I will show you how beautiful you are.

Then my world crumbled down.
The walls collapsed.

Then my thoughts came out.
“The reason I made you leave the house was so you would explore the world. You could see there was more beyond the world than this dirty small house.
You were good enough, but do you ever wonder if you would be this smart or athletic if I didn’t sign you up for endless classes. I bet you have a well paid job as a doctor now. I bet a million guys chase you but your too shy to realise. If not for your looks but your personality, not even I could break you out of your spirit.
You’re friends weren’t good for you, they never were.”

The worst thing was she didn’t shout back, or fight me. She hugged me, she forgave me for missing out on over twenty years of her life.

She hugged me while I sobbed.

But even with tears streaming down my face I could see from the corner of my eyes, my daughter calling the institute.

My own flesh and blood sending me back to that place.

I’m not crazy.
I’m just alone.

I Believed In Unicorns

“Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
― G.K. Chesterton

I was speaking to my friends and they said that they didn’t believe in myths when they were little. “Scientifically impossible”, they claimed. Apparently they didn’t even believe in Santa Claus nor the tooth fairy. Bullshit. Either they are lying or they had a really boring childhood. One thing I know is that my childhood wouldn’t have been the same without these. I won’t be the same.

Yes, the title is true. I believes in unicorns when I was younger. No, actually I believed in unicorns, fairies, and mermaids. My childhood was the time where I could push boundaries. As a child you can go around and ask for a unicorn and no one would look at you weird. Childhood is like the what ifs of life and gives you a chance to explore this. It’s like a whole different person with a different perspective.

I also believed in dragons, vampires, werewolves and witches. The one thing that it also taught me was they could be defeated. There is a world so much bigger than we know.

It even told me things weren’t what they seemed. Beauty and the Beast is one of my favourite movies because in this the monster isn’t really a monster and the supposedly handsome guy is the real beast. Belle sees this and from that moment on the Beast is no longer considered a beast.

What I’m trying to say is that in life we would face these “monsters” and they won’t even be the problem we think it is. Ultimately we can overcome these obstacles, we may not get the fairy tale but we might be far better off from where we started. I may not believe on fairytales anymore but whose to say they don’t exist. They exist in the imagination of those millions of dreaming kids.

Hoped you enjoyed it. Now if you could choose one mythical creature to exist…

Broken Promises

Okay, I’m still making up my mind what I think of this one but I’d love for your feedback. Here’s another piece of fiction by me, hope you enjoy.

He bumped into her. Hard. They both fell onto the ground. It wasn’t perfect and the fact that they were both klutzes didn’t make it easier. Even with that it still couldn’t have gone better. He was a gentleman, he helped her up when she fell and from that moment didn’t let her fall again. They knew immediately that they would have huge affects on each others lives just not in the way they imagined.

It was true, they were meant to be there for each other. They could’ve made all the promises they wanted to but eventually, someone will mess up a relationship. In this case it was him. They had a good thing going and were head over heels in love. Their love was ones that people strived for. The kind of love that people would read about. Just not exactly how they imagined it.

He was just a boy out of school, who wanted to give the girl he loved everything. They wanted more. No matter what. Maybe if they weren’t blinded by their “love” then it wouldn’t have come to this.

The boy sat there. He sat next to her and thought about all the times that had shared and promises they made.

He remembered her lying beside on the grass. The sun was shining on her face. She practically glowed. People didn’t think of her as “pretty” but the boy thought she was absolutely beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, people seem to say that a lot but this is the only true way in which it can be used. She illuminated colour and dreams. And ultimately hope. Hope for what, their future, their lives.
Instead now when he looked at her she had the same expression she has had for two months. Blankness. He looked at the face that made him feel hopeful and happy. The face that radiated exactly what he needed. Now it was a plain pale face. Perfectly expressionless.

He remember them sitting on the bench. She told him something no one has ever heard her say before, “I love you”. He squeezed her hand and looked at her in a way that needed no words. But he still said “I love you too. Those words don’t even begin to express how I feel”. That was enough to make anyone feel sick except for those saying it. Because only they can know how good it feels to have your love returned by someone who means so much.
When they parted they held hands for as long as they could. Palm in palm and then parted from their fingertips.
He promised to always hold her and he did until that moment. She kept her promise, she was there for as long as she could.
Now, he took her hand and it had no movement, she didn’t hold him back. It was just a sad boy grabbing a girls hand that couldn’t return the touch.

He watched her walk away. The girl so full of life walked away. The boy experienced the most painful thing anyone can face.
He reminded himself of how she walked. She would straighten her back and try not to slouch. She would trip occasionally. She would look down but when she did he told her that way he couldn’t see her face.
Now he may never see that again.

That night when they walked in opposite directions. She never even saw it coming. He wished he walked her home that night but he didn’t. He couldn’t, he had problems of his own and she respected that. She completely understood, which now makes him even more miserable.

He looked at her face. It was her and yet he couldn’t recognise her not because of the scars or the stitches, just the fact that she stayed expressionless. Before when he looked over at her he saw her smile, he remembered her laughing a bit. He remembered that cheesy grin she had. Even when she was annoyed she had a look, something in her eyes, not everyone could see it but he could. When she was shy, he could tell. Every single face beautiful in its own right.

The thing most beautiful was her. The way she spoke. I haven’t spoken to her in months, I would kill to hear her voice again- the boy thought. She was perfectly imperfect. She stuttered sometimes. She didn’t pronounce some words properly but if you could hear her speak to you like she spoke to him, you would never forget it. He would never forget it nor would he ever want to.

What happened that night he would never forget. He have never experienced so pain, so much agony. It wasn’t physical, it was emotional, which only made it far worse.

He waited for him he said it was the last thing. “Unfinished business” was all it was meant to be. He didn’t expect it to go that far but it did. He just wanted her to have everything. Instead she got nothing, it’s as if he has deprived her of something instead.

She was meant to change the world. She had big plans. She wanted to save lives, make a difference, inspire someone, be remembered.
The boy thought it should’ve been him and that she was so much more than him, maybe he was right. I’m worthless, I gave her nothing. After she gave me so much, these were the only thoughts he allowed himself to think for months, if he thought of anything else it would only make him feel worse.

She has been in a coma for 2 months, 3 weeks and a day. Since then she has had so many visitors, so many that he lost count after the first few days. Her parents practically lived there, her siblings haven’t been out with their friends because they go to see her everyday after school. She has had countless cousins, aunties, uncles and friends come to visit. Even her grandparents are such amazing people.

It’s easy to spot the people she wasn’t close with because they give the boy a weird look, he’s just a stranger to them. He couldn’t blame her parents for hating him. They appreciated the fact he was there, they would buy him meals, tea, whatever and they would allow him to be there. Nothing more. However he could feel their coldness thawing, being replaced by sadness more and more each day.

It should’ve been him. That night he sat there for hours. Waiting to finish what he started. The girl had a bad feeling from the start, the boy told her everything that night. She comforted him and was happy it would soon be over. She was right it would be over, but she would pay the price.
He got mixed in with the wrong people, as simple as that.

Now he remembered everything. He knew it should’ve been him. He was by her side, just them two, alone.

“Babe, I’m sorry. But what’s that gonna do? I’m fucking useless, I couldn’t even make you happy”, he was wrong he did make her happy, they didn’t need anything else. He sobbed but still managed to choke out, “you was- are everything, you deserve to live. Remember you wanted to get married, have kids. You wanted to help people. You had dreams”. He cried and cried but still spoke. “What am I gonna do without you? What is the world gonna do without you?” He kissed her on the nose and her forehead whilst stroking her hair. “I love you so much. You are so loved, you will always be loved. You are going to change the world and I hope I’m there to see it. I love you, you are my everything.”

This is probably the part of the story where the girl, wakes up and says I love you too, then they live happily ever after.

Instead he cried, after months of numbness, he let it out. Her parents and siblings all came in. They all greeted her with a kiss on her forehead. That night, whilst she was surrounded by the people she loved most and they shared their favourite stories of her, is the night she slowly, slowly drifted.

That was it at 00.36.

Waiting for the Answer

I just sat there. So helpless, so useless. I sat there on the hard blue chairs, surrounded by those spotlessly clean, white walls. I sat there, waiting.

The clock kept ticking and ticking, it’s been an hour. Two hours. Three. Four. I just stopped counting, what exactly was I waiting for? I was trapped by those walls and couldn’t possibly leave. I didn’t want to leave.

I felt like it was just me. Alone.
It wasn’t though, I could hear the machines bleeping, the kids playing, their parents praying. It wasn’t just me. This wasn’t about me anymore, it never was to begin with.

Just a boy who couldn’t love. However boy met girl and they fell in love. It’s like she was waiting for me but now I waited for her. We didn’t get our happy ending yet. I wondered if we ever would.

The way she smiled, I thought while I buried my face buried in my hands. She always seemed so happy but looking back it seemed like I looked through her like everyone else. I was no different.

The night we watched a cheesy movie and we were making fun of it the whole night. She laughed so much and I loved every minute being with her. She was in fact so different.

Then I remembered the afternoon I found her vomiting. She just finished eating. I didn’t realise she how small she had gotten until that moment. That was our biggest argument and our relationship wasn’t the same after that. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love her the same, if anything more. I felt as though she needed me.

The morning I found scars patterned on her arms. She cried, she broke down. They were so deep and she was so fragile. I never would have guessed behind her laughter was screams. Behind her smile was agony.

She promised she would stop but clearly she didn’t. Maybe stopping was a way of saying she would hide it better.
She stopped cutting on obvious places like her arms and instead cut places I didn’t check. I checked every other day and didn’t tell anyone because she promised she would stop and I believed her.

Now I sit here, waiting for answer.
Did I want her to live? She could still harm herself, treat her body badly. She would only be prolonging her pain. In the end it would still catch up with her. Death could’ve been an escape for her. From her life, people- and from me.

However I didn’t want her to die. She could’ve changed. There was nothing to get away from wasn’t the most popular but she had friends, she wasn’t perfect but that didn’t mean people didn’t love her. She could’ve had a happy life, maybe not even with me but with someone. She would’ve had kids. She would have been the mum that is the first to apply for everything, attends all the evenings and meetings. The one that loves with all her heart.

I heard the door open abruptly and took me out of my trail of thought. My head shot up and I got the answer I needed.

This is a subject I feel very passionate about because it affects so many people.
I think it would be interesting to see how everyone else thought it would end. Write the ending 🙂 thanks for reading.

Superheroes

“For me, Superman’s greatest contribution has never been the superhero part: it’s the Clark Kent part – the idea that any of us, in all our ordinariness, can change the world.”
— Brad Meltzer

Magic, radioactive waste, genetically enhanced spiders. Shockingly, this isn’t what made them heroes they could have easily used it for evil. It’s how they used it.
Some weren’t even superheroes they didn’t change their DNA or use magic, they simply had a will to do so. Batman created himself, anyone with a few billion pounds and a will could have done it, superman still had to make himself he had his advantages but the rest was up to him.

These heroes may not exist but it doesn’t mean heroes don’t. It’s not the celebrity who you call a hero, it’s the people who have always been there and there is a moment when you realise how great they are. I think people are born with greatness but its up to them if they live up to it. I have heroes, “normal” people are heroes to me, to someone they may be normal but to me they are not.

I think the great thing about superheroes are maybe to a person they are perfect or close to perfect- this idea that it is completely unattainable is amazing, it’s something to aspire to. You can never quite reach it but if you come close, you would have achieved greatness along the way.
Having powers is an advantage what you do to get there is completely up to you.

The thing is if you could be a hero, would you? You have to think about what’s at stake, the sacrifices and the responsibility. I think it’s like anything- you have to work hard.
I think the superpowers would be so cool (you have to be a weirdo not to think this). What power would you choose?

Patience Invisibility is a virtue. I would like to be invisible, I mean people won’t bug you. The people you don’t like wont have to see you. I think people love attention and need to be seen, I don’t need people’s approval. I think right now I’m kind of invisible. Invisibility would probably be a back up.
I would pick time travel. You could get extra sleep, it could save you from saying something stupid (I say a lot of stupid stuff without realising). Homework, no problem. Ultimately, you would make a difference and its useful, you can help people. I would probably have the name “Kairos” which is time in Greek- I know, not very creative.

What power would you pick and what would you like to be called? Be creative!

Dear “nobody”

Dear “nobody”,

Did you know there were 3 people that led straight to you. They all are things that made me myself.

The first person showed me hope. I remember feeling nothing just numbness, no hope. I didn’t know what to believe but someone changed that in an instant. She told me what she believed and listened to me. She listened to how hurt I was and she was so selfless, this gave me hope. I had something to believe again, this person gave me hope and for this I give her my heart.

I remember loneliness, all alone. I trusted no one and never let them in. And people accepted it. Until finally someone broke down these walls, shattered it into a million pieces. It was so delicate and easy, no tried except for her. This person had courage and willpower, and this was enough.
She made me trust and I gave her the pieces of this wall- the remains of what was gone.

I remember her always being there for me. From when we met to whenever. The years went by too quickly, the wounds took too long too heal, there wasn’t enough time. I remember her always smiling anyway, the ability to always be positive amazed me. All this time we knew eachother and it turned out all along I already gave my years to her.

This was you, all of these people show you and the qualities are what I love about you the most. You made me a better person. You gave me hope, trust and time- and it was everything we needed. You had the courage, ability and belief to do so- and the integrity all the way through.

The truth is this isn’t to nobody, it’s to you and you’re everything. You once believed that you were nothing but I showed you that you weren’t. You’re everything the girl next door, the strong one, the one who doesn’t take other people’s crap.

This is what made me love you and what made our 63 years together amazing. Sure not everyday was great but nothing compared to how I felt about you.
I love you.

The man placed this letter on his wife’s grave. He parted but still with a smile because the memories were enough- for now.

*Do you find this to be a happy story or sad story? Honestly I think it’s happy because they spent all there lives together and even after her death he still loves her.
I’d love for your feedback.
Thanks for reading 😀

Fairy tales

“I know she’s shy. I know she doesn’t have very many friends. I just want her to be strong, you know? To be able to face the world for what it is. That’s why I don’t encourage the fairy tales. I don’t want to set her up to believe in this ‘dreams come true’ nonsense.”-Robert

Those things in which we hoped for in life only to realise in pure disappointment that they didn’t exist. I think that fairy tales are great but it’s almost like people are setting you up for disappointment. Personally I don’t believe in fairy tales. I believe in “once upon a time”s but not “they lived happily ever after”s because they simply don’t exist. They’re a great story but that’s all they’re stories.

I have a story to share which inspired me to write this.
“Once upon a time there lived a lady who did everything right she was nice, sweet, respectful and just great. Still people took advantage of her good nature and walked all over her.
Several years later just as she got her enemies to turn into allies she realised that she couldn’t have kids but never did she get knocked down so she got a baby not hers but she loved this baby. She was a devoted mother and just as she gained happiness she got bad news.
She was ill, this was a roller coaster ride and just when everything looked like it was going to be okay, it wasn’t.
Nothing worked and her last couple of weeks she couldn’t even say goodbye to her beautiful child because she couldn’t talk. She couldn’t give her child a hug because she was able to move. No closure no nothing just that. No happily ever after just that.”

I don’t believe that Prince Charming will whisk a girl off in her time of need because he’s just a spoilt brat too busy fixing his hair. Nor do I think that a knight in shining armour will come and ride a girl off in the sunset. I believe that good people deserve this happily ever after but it doesn’t happen. Sure they’ll be some stories that restore your faith in these tales but they are short lived. It’s a cynical view but I’m not going to wait in a tower for someone to rescue me from this.

Thanks for reading 🙂