Do Looks Really Matter?

If you read my previous posts you would know that I talk about how looks aren’t important and that looks fade. And this is true, I agree with these these theories.
Some Internet trolls will say it’s because I’m ugly and they’re right I’m ugly as f*ck. But I’ve learnt to be okay with that. Looks aren’t that important to me.

So why did I spend a half hour looking at “how to be pretty” on the Internet?
This inevitably lead to a chain of more superficial searches. But the biggest question is why did I do this.
Your guess is as good as mine.

But eventually I came to my final search which was do looks really matter?
And I read one page when I realised how idiotic and futile it is.

Everywhere I turn I see beautiful people, and and then there’s me. I usually I think “it’s okay I’ve got a personality and my health”.
But this time it got to me. I feel like I have no personality and I’m dumb and ugly so I’ve got to work on being pretty and smart and interesting.

Then I realised what is true beauty anyway. It’s different to everyone, it’s different to me, to you reading this, to your parents (to your pets?).
For me true beauty is acceptance and kindness, acceptance with who you are but your kindness to help those who need it. It’s those with a soul, instead of selling it to the devil.

I’m not saying I’m not ugly, I’m just saying that I can better myself instead of changing completely. The first thing would be to be comfortable with me.

I’m writing this be cause I want to be honest. Looks don’t determine my self worth, my looks have made me what I am today. I love the person I am, seriously I could have been way worse. The people who don’t mind the way I look are the people I can get along with.

I’m glad I did do those idiotic searches because it has shown me how stupid it was what I was doing. My last search was “do looks really matter?” and I didn’t look at any websites because I already knew the answer.
The conclusion got me one step closer to the person I want to be.
Of course I’m still insecure but I’ve still got time to figure it out, these teenage years are the time for self discovery and my insecurity goes hand in hand with that.

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Self Pity Is Not An Attractive Quality

“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
― John Gardner

It should be fairly obvious what this post is about. I haven’t posted for ages due to my a levels and feeling like I have failed every exam did send me into a chasm of self pity.

Which didn’t help anything and make me feel even more shit about myself.

All I think about is everything I’m bad at. My biggest downfall is comparing myself to others and honestly, I can not be the only one. I think of everything I’m bad at.
This is no excuse. But growing up my friends had books. Or calculators. Or even a map.
I had a tv.

I have no one to blame but myself, there’s no point in feeling sorry for myself but think about the things I can do instead.

Self pity is a horrible thing and it does a lot more damage then resolute. But in my time of self pity I did have time to reflect, I still have no idea what I’m going to do in life but I can’t waste any more time on self pity.

So let me get it out there:
I’m not the best writer
I’m not the best speaker
I’m not the prettiest
I’m not the most popular
I’m not the best artist

But that’s what makes me, me.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m thankful for what I have, in time maybe I can learn to write better or be more confident.

Thanks for reading 🙂

Movie Moments

“Life experience. I can talk it up, vow to broaden my horizons, but I’m still limited to the experiences with my life.
How can a person understand an experience that lies completely outside her own? She can see it, feel it, imagine what it would be like to live it, but it’s no different from seeing a movie on a screen and saying, “Thank God that’s not me”.”
— Kelley Armstrong

It feels like forever since I’ve posted. Life sucks because it’s too busy. It’s almost been a month since my last post so many ideas have been going through my head.

I wanna talk about how life isn’t like movies. I’ve been fairly optimistic about this but for the past year I’ve noticed that life doesn’t work like that.

First off in those movies have you seen the actors. They’re meant to be 16 years old, believe me when I say I’m 17 and I look nothing like that. I think I’m still going through that “awkward phase”.

Secondly, your in secondary school and you meet the person of your dreams in the most romantic way or you have the most amazing boyfriends. Once again I’m 17 and I’ve never had a boyfriend and it’s not just me, many people my age haven’t had boyfriends. Lots of them do but it’s nothing like the movies.

Thirdly, OMFD this is the thing that annoys me the most. Yes, prom. In the movies the proms are so amazing and everyone looks so good. Finally at the very last second of prom the person you have awaited to come has finally come and there is that moment when the characters embrace in a heartfelt reunion.
Barely, anyone came with a date to my prom (this might be because I’m British and our proms are slightly different than those in America). They just came to say goodbye to their friends. Those who have not have there prom should know, that doesn’t happen. I absolutely hated my prom, it was an utter disappointment. I didn’t even want to go only in a few months prior did I decide. The only thing I liked was my dress (and in the pictures I looked so fat! Sorry I’m still a teenage girl).

Maybe because with people like me things like this don’t happen.
I’ve come to realise I don’t want things like this, this is way too predictable.
Life is beautiful which ever way you live it- but only if you actually live it. Don’t wait around for those ridiculous movie moments because that will never happen but that doesn’t mean there won’t be perfect moments in life.

Smiles

We Are Ugly

Beauty is only skin deep and that’s why people strive for. However, ugly goes down to the bone. So why is this generation so obsessed with being pretty- and they want to be ugly inside.

It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty, ugly, fat or skinny- at the end of the day- according to society there is still something wrong with you.
Despite this we still can try only to be put to the same position because at the end of the day we are still ugly.

So what? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? So either we are all ugly or all beautiful. What does it matter were still humans. I’d like to think everyone’s beautiful. Because in some way- believe it or not- we all are beautiful. There is some redeeming quality in us all.

So you know what, fuck society. Fuck what they tell us. All that really matters is what we think.
And if you still think you’re ugly remember this

“I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you’re out there and you’re cute, maybe you’re beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin’ — there’s more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.”
― Frank Zappa

Today

So today was a fucking fun day. I got the lowest grade I have ever gotten in English. And guess what it counts for almost quarter of my grade.

Have you ever had a moment even your life when you realise everything your thought was something else. That’s what happened today. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I want to write and write but apparently I can’t even do that right.

Your probably thinking that’s its dumb to get so upset about this but for me it isn’t. This was the moment that I saw that the one thing I thought I could do, I couldn’t.
Everyone has one thing going for them well not me.

What’s annoying is that people say “oh my god I tried so hard”, and they are upset when they get a higher grade and they know they are talking shit- because they didn’t try. My teacher even went around to everyone and explained to them why they did wrong- you know what I got? A fucking paragraph I couldn’t even bring myself to read.

It’s ironic, isn’t it? I’m talking about how crap I am at writing but I’m expressing it through writing. Well, my words are even failing me now.

Brothers

“What strange creatures brothers are!”
— Jane Austen

Let him flaunt his youth,
Whilst he still has it,
Let him smile,
Whilst he still has reason,
Let him fight,
Whilst he still can,
Let him be vain,
Whist he still wants to be.

He may get laughed,
He may upset a few,
But just do it,
Before its too late,
And they just become regrets.

I have a brother and sometimes I really want to punch him however other times he really inspires me and makes me feel glad to have him as my brother.

I was just thinking today when do we ever get a chance to think, “wow I have a pretty good life”.I’ve got a pretty amazing brother and I never want him to change (okay, maybe a little bit).
Honestly, I’m truly thankful for him.

If he is passionate about something he will go out and to it, to an extreme. If he’s not then he’s not going to waste his time. I love his determination and willpower. This truly inspires me.

I may call you names and we will fight, and even if I never really say this to you, well I’m saying it here.

I love you, bro. And I really mean this, don’t ever change, you’re already extraordinary and destined for greatness.

Comment below how many siblings you have and what you love about them. Tell me about the people who make you sentimental, I’ll love to read it ^_^

I Hate Hollywood

“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.”
― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Hello fellow randoms,
Warning: I’m kind of going to rant.
Hollywood or film makers, whatever, need to come up with new ideas. They need to come up with their own instead of ruining all my favourite best books. Lets all be honest, they practically ruined twilight, the books were great. The only movie that was good was the last one, the rest sucked. Also it started of this whole weird vampire/werewolf obsession and millions of other fantasy rip offs.

Hunger games- ruined. There were them stupid girls making teams for Peeta and Gale. Like wth?! That was done for twilight and mainly done for the actors (ahem Taylor Lautner). No, you ruined hunger games- not as bad as twilight but still.

They are making a city of bones movie. I watched the trailer and was not impressed so I sure hope the movie is better than the trailer. Otherwise they ruined another great book.

Another book I love is divergent, I read that in like a day and I absolutely love it. Guess what?! There is a divergent film- whoop de freaking doo. Don’t ruin it this time. There is already a hype starting and I hate it. People putting themselves into the groups, when it comes out people are probably going to be like “I’m so bad. I’m dauntless- I’m cool”. Well no. I hate hypes, I refuse to be part of them.

Thinking of making Delirium a film as well. Don’t mess up!

I honestly wouldn’t mind as long as they don’t f*ck them up all the time. If you’re going to make them, do it right.

Comment below and tell me what you think. Feel free to disagree too, if you like when books are made into movies or if you think film makers don’t mess it up. I’d love to hear it 🙂 thanks for reading.

For Christmas..

I want my uncles ability to laugh it off.
I want my aunts strength.
I want my grandmas bravery.
I want my brothers determination.
I want my dads fearlessness.
I want my mums willpower.

For Christmas or any day I would choose to have these instead of fancy presents. Presents will come and go but qualities like these would never fade.
I could have added so many more people. Everyone of them amazing in their own right. I think these are the kind of people teenagers and kids should look up to.
These people are truly great and I love them so much. I know a lot of people say this but I truly believe I have the greatest family ever.

I don’t know why I feel in such a tacky mood. It’s probably because school holidays are here (and that make me happy).

What do you want for Christmas this year?

Thanks for reading.

I Believed In Unicorns

“Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
― G.K. Chesterton

I was speaking to my friends and they said that they didn’t believe in myths when they were little. “Scientifically impossible”, they claimed. Apparently they didn’t even believe in Santa Claus nor the tooth fairy. Bullshit. Either they are lying or they had a really boring childhood. One thing I know is that my childhood wouldn’t have been the same without these. I won’t be the same.

Yes, the title is true. I believes in unicorns when I was younger. No, actually I believed in unicorns, fairies, and mermaids. My childhood was the time where I could push boundaries. As a child you can go around and ask for a unicorn and no one would look at you weird. Childhood is like the what ifs of life and gives you a chance to explore this. It’s like a whole different person with a different perspective.

I also believed in dragons, vampires, werewolves and witches. The one thing that it also taught me was they could be defeated. There is a world so much bigger than we know.

It even told me things weren’t what they seemed. Beauty and the Beast is one of my favourite movies because in this the monster isn’t really a monster and the supposedly handsome guy is the real beast. Belle sees this and from that moment on the Beast is no longer considered a beast.

What I’m trying to say is that in life we would face these “monsters” and they won’t even be the problem we think it is. Ultimately we can overcome these obstacles, we may not get the fairy tale but we might be far better off from where we started. I may not believe on fairytales anymore but whose to say they don’t exist. They exist in the imagination of those millions of dreaming kids.

Hoped you enjoyed it. Now if you could choose one mythical creature to exist…

Back to Reality

“I believe that you’ve created a metaphorical universe in which you can express your darkest fears. In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves, and sometimes we do such a good job, we lose track of reality.”
— Laurie Halse Anderson (Wintergirls)

Reality. That’s it. It’s harsh, cruel but undeniably beautiful. This is where the memories happen, the good times and unfortunately also the bad. It has emotion, feeling, everything to do about anything.

People can be dreamers, realists, optimists, whatever. Overall, there is still the real world.
People can dream. They may never get famous. Or rich. They may never get married. Or have kids.

What’d do you want? Because there are some people who do get it. Even those who don’t, who is to say they are not happy. Maybe those who got what they wanted aren’t happy because they haven’t appreciated it, they’ve never worked for it and always want more.

It’s what you make it, no matter who you are you need an aspiration. Sure for some it’s easier but you still have to try. It would be even worse thinking what if.
Reality isn’t bad, reality is what you make it.

Now honestly what do you want?
I know this is tacky, but I choose happiness.