I Guess This Is My Life Now

Eyes fluttering open before dawn,

Continuing the endeavour till way after dusk,

I sometimes forget what that fire looks like,

How much it burns,

It’s so odd how the memories feel so distant,

What if this isn’t the life I wanted?

 

 

But am I

smart enough

strong enough

bothered enough

to break out this perpetual circle of disdain and futility

Advertisements

I’m Fully Over This Challenge 

I’m behind and bored of this challenge so this will be the penultimate day, even though technically I’m on Day 22.

Pet peeves:

  • People who stand on the wrong side of the escalator especially at rush hour (I feel like this is a really British pet peeve) Or stop in the middle of a crowded area.
  • People who lack the concept of personal space. A bonus is when they have bad personal hygiene like body odor or bad breath. 
  • Seeing kids rude to their parents, like I always see kids out with their parents wearing headphones ignoring their parents. I know it is none of my business and it shouldn’t bug me but it does. 
  • Rude people in general and people who bitch behind others back. At least have the balls to say it to their face. Add racist people and hypocrites to this.

    Please comment your peeves too (so I don’t feel like I’m easily annoyed). I’m curious to see what other ones there are.

    October Writing Challenge: Day 21

    This may be the most mundane thing you will read today but here goes. A log of 25/10/2017:

    • ​Woke up to realise my mum had called from the other side of the world 
    • Called her back and groggily told her the time 
    • Finally worked up the effort to roll out of bed 
    • Daily hygiene hijinks 
    • Eyeliner eyeliner eyeliner 
    • Quickly do some cleaning before the parents get back 
    • Do my hair and get changed for work
    • CEREAL TIME
    • Daily dose of public transport 
    • Work work work
    • Get off and meet my friend for linner (like brunch but between lunch and dinner)
    • Burgers 
    • Crepes 
    • A catchup with a stroll through the park 
    • Continuing the catchup
    • Home time = pajama time 
    • Apply for jobs after I accidentally withdrew a previous application for a job I really wanted. 
    • The apprentice is on! 
    • Bed time I guess? (And by that I mean scroll through Instagram and watch some episodes of a TV show before I fall asleep)

    October Writing Challenge: Day 19

    There wasn’t much to say for this one.

    ​This isn’t any interview I can be honest.

    My crippling awkwardness
    My ability to always look at the worst things in life
    My continual talent to put myself down
    Sounds like anybody else, right?

    I’ve always been called the black sheep but don’t necessarily know what makes me different. I guess self awareness is overrated. 

    October Writing Challenge: Day 8

    This is a piece of fiction because I am so sick about writing about myself. I hope you enjoy. 

    I looked over the floor where the shatters of glass remain in the same place. They were scattered over the room, towards my bare feet which were still bleeding. I hugged my knees tight into my chest. The moisture from my face stinging the open wound on my legs. I hoped that when I looked up the glass ornament would have repaired itself and that this was merely a dream, a nightmare. She loved the glass figurine more than she had ever loved me. It was an ugly thing, it was a fish on the ocean floor, it had a blue tint, it was so elaborate and large. And just dreadful. I had always hated it. The fish was fat, and not at all pleasing to look at but she had loved it. Now it was there on the floor looking more beautiful that it had ever been. With the brilliant shards illuminating in the light. The singular ray of sunshine which streamed into the room from the small crack where the curtains were drawn but not completely shut from sloppiness. The light bounced of the broken pieces of glass which danced with the blood dripping on it, coming together and swirling around. It was breath taking. It was terrifying.

    As the minutes, hours, however long it was stared at, it didn’t come back together, yet it still felt so surreal. Then the truth had to be shared when there was shuffling that began in the next room. Footsteps which gradually came closer to the door. When finally, after all the anticipation, the door had opened. More light flooded into the room, revealing what I had done. What had been broken. I prayed that she would comfort me and secretly hated the broken thing too. Instead when her eyes darted across the room, she let out a loud shrill scream. A chill went down my spine, and I saw what she was looking at.

    She didn’t seem to care about the glass, it was the amount of blood. Then I remembered this blood wasn’t mine. She was staring at the body in the corner of the room.

    The 30-Day Writing Challenge: Day 11

    Day 11: You are now a dragon. Describe your hoard.

     

    Somewhere millions of years ago

    A new day calls for a new adventure. The world is so small when you can fly, it used to be lonely but I found a new home. A home which consists of an ensemble of misfits. But we aren’t misfits anymore because we found a place we belong.

    First there’s me, Titania. I’m a very average dragon; not the smallest or largest. Nor am I particularly strong but by no means weak. Just average. I tell a lot of bad jokes and try to lighten the mood when others get heated but I also find it difficult to read the atmosphere, especially when people are emotional which gets me into trouble more than I care to admit. Despite this I tend to get along with the others quite easily due to my lazy attitude.

    Next we have Valentinus, he is a very loveable character. Typically described as the loveable idiot by others in the group. Nice but clumsy are the two words which describe him the best. There have been a few occasions where he forgets that he needs to use his wings to fly and is shocked when he starts getting closer to the ground. No matter how easily distracted he gets, no one would dare mess with him as in the hoard he is by far the largest and the strongest.

    Another colourful character is Zephyros, she is constantly angry and looking for a fight. She successfully gets into fights and usually ends up victorious, however it still results in plenty of scratches and bruises. Somehow in these antics the others regularly get dragged in. She also has a habit to quietly make here leave, noted for her disappearing act which makes her hard to find.

    The “leader” of the group is Nikomedes.  He is a reluctant leader and by no means thinks he is capable or even willing. He is the best leader they could have and in an odd way he sometimes admits that he is quite good at it. being smart and tactical make him a perfect fit for what he does however he is lazy and dislikes the idea of babysitting the others, making for a very unorthodox leader.

    In all the strong personalities, which occur, there needs to be a buffer. This in no way means they don’t have a strong personality, but their personality is one that doesn’t clash with the others and instead calms others This is where Ashoka comes into play. He has a very tranquil aura which gets passed onto the others which can dissipate the thirst of blood for fights. He can stand his own when he needs to, therefore not someone who can be pushed over. In general, however, people do not want to annoy him as he is known for being the pure one, gaining him the younger brother role.

    Similarly, to Ashoka who has a calming aura, we have Euthalia. She is very caring to the others and simply known for “loving too much”. In the past she has never fit in anywhere which is why this group of misfits mean so much to her. When everyone fights or there is a possibly she is the quickest to show emotion, only emphasising she is the one who is the most attached. It is a common occurrence that she adopts other strays so has a lot of other animals which surround her. This has fated her with being the “mum” of the group.

    Finally, we had Ragna, she is the “planner”, giving the group a sense of purpose as she decides where they’ll go and what to do as firstly she is the only who can be bothered and also the fact that she is forever organised. She gets along with everyone without too much friction but gets along the best with Nikomedes due to them spending a lot of time together to decide what the group should do. Also, the tactical attributes they both possess. They are known for being quite deadpan and emotionless but feels genuine love for the rest of the group.

    Sometimes I feel like my existence in this group doesn’t matter, no one would realise if I was there or not. However, I often get reminded that we are a family and that’s enough to stick around.

    The 30-Day Writing Challenge: Day 8

    Day 8: Take a nondescript sentence such as, “How are you?” Write the same line from at least five different points of view.

    Sentence: What’s new?

    1. The wife and I have just come back from holiday. We had the most amazing time; saw great sights and met some fascinating people. Have you done anything interesting lately?

    2. Saw the best movie the other day. No spoiler but I cried like a baby. Watched anything good?

    3. Little Timothy started school. He looked so smart, unlike how some mothers send their kids to school. How are your little ones?

    4. So the divorce is finalised so I’m ready to let loose. No hag to nag me when I get home. Any good news on your end?

    5. I don’t wanna be here. Nor do I want to make small talk but this silence feels prolonged and uncomfortable so what’s happening in your life worth minor interest and has a possibility to lead to a more intelligent conversation?

    The 30-Day Writing Challenge: Day 7

    Day 7: Spoil the ending of your favourite movie without any context.

    The handsome man storms the castle with his two new found comrades. It was a miracle that he was alive and even more of a miracle that he broke out of his paralysis so fast, with the from the help of an eccentric old man and his wife.

    As a group, they cleverly come up with a plan to scare off the guards without sheer brute force. There are two main goals that these misfits want to achieve: love and revenge.

    The handsome man in true fashion defeats the evil prince and saves his princess, whilst in that time still manages to say a great speech. thus, his quest for true love is complete.

    By contrast, the other man is after the blood. He is seeking vengeance from the man who destroyed his life, who made his life he once knew disintegrate around him. The man who made him a killer. This ensues an epic sword fight where the noble gentleman is so close to losing, but at the last second, by a divine force, he manages to win.

    This man leaves the revenge business and has new prospects. The last gentleman is simply happy to see this friend move on. Finally, they all leave the castle together on white horses.

    Then it ends with a kiss. A truly passionate and pure kiss.

    [For anyone who has watched this movie it is so obvious, otherwise it probably just seems too cheesy.]

    The 30-Day Writing Challenge: Day 6

    Day 6: Think of your favourite food. Try to make it sound as disgusting as possible.

    I really love food so this hurt my soul to write. And it made me a little hungry.

    A combination of nauseating ingredients. They are stacked layers on top of each other, as if already overcompensating for the unpalatable taste.

    It Is housed between two dry buns, having absolutely no flavour. Simply just drying out your mouth. The lack of taste can only be achieved with a mixture of chemicals. A food that should be pure but instead is injected with a number of falsities.

    On top of this a carcass of a once living animal is slabbed in. On this living thing resides thousands of other living things, this makes it prone to disease and other organisms harvesting on the surface. Bacteria all around it. Blood could still be running through the corpse.

    Another piece which is coated in bacteria and grown from the soil. Insects rely on the sustenance it gives. As a result, it is either crawling with bugs or sprayed with excessive pesticides. Either way, I don’t know what’s more repulsive.

    Finally, there must be some kind of sauce to provide moisture to all the dry ingredients. Therefore, a combination of oil with a tiny bit of egg is added. It’s revolting, the consistency alone is enough to make you get.

    There we have it, a food with many ingredients which most likely will fall apart the second you hold it. A food that tries so hard to be delicious, yet has too many contradictions.

    The 30-Day Writing Challenge: Day 3

    Day 3: Now send your character to his or her grumpy grandmother’s house for a visit. Write the scene of your character’s arrival.

     

    I took a deep exhale as I stand in front of the door, the odd off-white colour that it has faded to over the years. I reached for the doorbell and heard the sound resonate inside, the ringing rapidly ended and was followed by a disconcerting silence. Therefore, I was left with no other choice but to wait, it quickly became clear that no one was coming to the door. As much as I wanted to turn around, I did not. Instead I chose to persevere. I pressed the doorbell and pushed it repeatedly. After the many attempts, I finally heard footsteps approaching the door. They were loud heavy footsteps hastily approaching the door. From the other side, there was a vague mutter, mixed with the sounds of the door being unbolted, a chain rattling, along with many other commotions. Then the final click.

    As the door slowly opened I found myself praying ‘please don’t let it be her, please not her’.

    The door cracked open ever so slightly revealing a livid face of a withered old lady. Even though she was clearly in her seventies, the look of disdain in her face evoked a twinge of fear in me. Not because I was afraid she would disapprove of me, or I worried about her judgment but because I felt she could probably pack a punch. She was that kind of woman, the woman everyone feared, even the burly men in this neighbourhood did not want to cross her.

    “Oh, it’s you,” she said, her facial expression unchanging.

    I faked a smile: “Nan, are you going to allow your favourite grandchild to remain in the cold any longer?”

    “Who the hell said you were my favourite?” she simply opened the door. “What brings you here?”

    I walked into through the hallway into the living room and crashed onto the couch. In a normal event like this a grandma would be baking cookies or maybe even greet their grandchild with a hug or a vague bit of happiness. In this household, there was no such luck.

    “Do I need a reason?” I looked around, this was clearly awkward for the both of us.

    “For now I wont question it. Do you want tea?”

    I hesitated, “Yeah, sure. Where’s gramps?”

    “Out with his friends. You’d think those boys are twenty by the way they act.”

    I laughed. That’s so like grandad to be a kid. He would always teach me ways to piss of my grandma, and my parents, then he would laugh about it after. He taught me how to play cards, and that is how we spent a lot of time. I developed quite the poker face because of that old joker.

    “You always did like him more than me,” grandma commented.

    I remained quiet, there isn’t much that can be said as a rebuttal.

    “I thought girls are meant to be chatty.” She looked at me up and down, “well, you don’t really act or dress like a girl. Your hair is in your face constantly and you are wearing damaged clothes.”

    “Okay, firstly these jeans are ripped for fashion. Second, I came for a nice chat with gramps because I lost hope in you being nice years ago.”

    And with that, by pure irony, the kettle alarm went off. Grandma still looking unfazed turned to attend to it.

    As she had her back faced to me, I stuck out my tongue.

    “If you have your tongue out be prepared to lose it.”

    “Of course not, ma’am.”

    “Please, the amount of times I caught you doing that as a child and you think I believe that?”

    I laughed, “yeah it was always funny seeing your face go red when I got caught.”

    “You really are your grandad.”

    I was still laughing and managed to cough out, “Nan, how do you have a straight face right now? Remember when your face when redder than ever and it seemed like steam was coming out, I got scared but gramps started laughing so hard and he was drinking. I swear I saw water come out of his nose, and he started choking but still laughing.”

    With that memory both their raucous laughs filled up the room.

    “That is nothing though. When your grandfather first met my parents, he was so nervous my dad asked him a question about kids in the future, he got so flustered that he practically spat water on my dad and himself. He spent the rest of the evening in a woman’s t-shirt because dad refused to give him one of his.”

    “No way! I need to ask him about that.”

    “He really is an old fool.”

    “But you love him.”

    “Yeah and so do you.”

    “That’s true. I love you too, though, nan.”

    She reached over and wrapped her arm around me, “even though I am a pain.” She then kissed the top of my head and whispered, “I love you too, my child.”

    It was silent for a while but not an uncomfortable silence, a nice moment because for the first time in my life I felt we were truly on the same page.

    “You are obviously staying for dinner. What do you want to eat?”

    “Nan, how would you feel about cookies?”

    ~~~~

    The two women were in the kitchen as the grandad walks into the house humming showtunes and clutching a bouquet of flowers. He is greeted to a sound he doesn’t often hear and it brings him such joy, he can hear his wife laughing with his granddaughter.

    The grandma simply thinks ‘She really is my favourite’.

    The granddaughter is glad she came because the truth of the matter is she visited because ‘she missed them both’.

    The grandad thinks of how lucky he is, the woman who is his granddaughter is just like the woman he fell in love with 50 years ago; the woman he still is in love with. Despite these two women being stubborn and a big pain in his ass, they can get along and love each other.

    They both look at him enter and greet him with a smile as he joined the laughter and help them bake the cookies the grandkid has waited long enough for.