Still a little bit behind with this being the October Writing Challenge: Day 18.
Disclaimer: Single as fuck over here.
Love is meant to be beautiful. Hard yet sweet. The most noble thing you can do for someone is love them.
Yeah, sounds like bullshit to me too.
Marriage is quite a common step after love.
I’ve never had an urge to die alone, but it doesn’t seem completely unlikely to me. I often joke about dying alone, no one would want me. I am not capable of love but the companionship of marriage is not completely horrible.
To be honest, it’s the expectation to be in a relationship is harder. Like for a young Asian woman there’s an expectation of marriage. I don’t care for it, not now at least, but it’s the continuous nagging.
I remember once when I was forced to go to a wedding. (I can discuss how much I hate weddings and how I kick up a fuss when I’m
forced to go but that can be saved for a whole other post.)
So like always I minded my own business, avoiding others and trying to look busy on the phone. But this older woman began to talk to me. She was nice and friendly. She began casually talking about marriage, which given the setting was not odd. She was quite accepting of my inability to cook just mentioning when marriage arises I will also have a desire to and can get my husband to cook for me. I told her that marriage wasn’t for me and that I’ve got time before I think about all that shit.
She was even saying that she knew a young girl who got married while still studying and she continued with it because her in-laws were amazing to her. Treated her like a daughter and had a mutual understanding.
She then began to mention her son who has an attitude like me to marriage. When she said he was 24, I just defended him saying that he’s young and you should let him do what he wants.
At the time I thought nothing of it. She was saying that he’s an engineer so I joked saying that he can hook me up with a job.
So when me and my mum went, my mum just goes, “you know she was looking for her son?”
I replied, “yeah, shes probably looking. Hope she finds someone nice.”
“I meant she was looking at you.”
And me being me just goes “nah she was starting a conversation.”
Wow I am dense.
Even now my parents keep saying that I should be in some kind of relationship.
I believe im destined to die alone. There’s nothing wrong with it. It makes life easy. But sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever start to feel lonely but then it would be too late.
No one deserves me. Not because I have that much confidence in myself but because not even I like myself. I can never give them the love they deserve if I don’t love myself. No one deserves that.
All we can see is how life slowly unfolds.