Exams Are Too Close And I’m Too Unprepared

It’s that dreaded time in the summer for all of students. For those who have completed their studies and no longer have this stress then congratulations, just know we are still struggling and we hate that you’re enjoying your summer.

So exams are right round the corner, it has probably already started for some people. First of all, good luck. Second of all, its not a big deal.
Not quite what you were expecting right?

Okay, so we as a generation have such an unhealthy attitude towards exams. As if it’s no surprise, as we are told from a young age that you must go to school and you must get good grades and then after that you’re happy. Your life and subsequent happiness hinge on the grades you get. This small insignificant number defines you. Well, big news flash: it doesn’t.
Those doing GCSEs (ages 14-16), kids I can’t remember my results. Minimum C grades for most jobs and unis.
Next, the dreaded A levels (ages 16-18), I got below all my predicted grades. As well as that when I applied for universities, I did it completely aimlessly. I didn’t even think about my what I wanted to do as a course and applied for pharmacy.. PHARMACY! It’s a good job but not for me. So I got into my insurance (one university choice) and rejected it. I then went through clearing and so glad I did.

Even now when I speak to my parents telling them of how much I’m going to fail, they just ask me why I’m freaking out. My parents want me to succeed and do well. Yet they say it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get the grades you want. When I told them I would have wasted two years of my life, my dad just responded, “people waste a lot more time.” I don’t know why but that was strangely comforting.

We get so stressed by these numbers and letters that it blurs us from the bigger picture. We procrastinate because we have given up and then in the final push we cram (which is never effective).
The reason we all say we do this: to get a job, make money and be happy. To get a job you apply to placements, someone I know even researched this; the people with good grades often struggle to find jobs because they were too focused on grades rather than experience.
After that you make money. However you want, I encourage you to do it legally (but then again everything is legal if you don’t get caught).
Finally the happiness thing, maybe you will feel good when you get the paper that says you did well. Maybe it will satisfy you. But after a few years would you still recite your grades for a sense of happiness? No. You do this on your own accord. You make your happiness with your friends and adventures. You make the happiness you wish to exist in you.

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Self Pity Is Not An Attractive Quality

“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
― John Gardner

It should be fairly obvious what this post is about. I haven’t posted for ages due to my a levels and feeling like I have failed every exam did send me into a chasm of self pity.

Which didn’t help anything and make me feel even more shit about myself.

All I think about is everything I’m bad at. My biggest downfall is comparing myself to others and honestly, I can not be the only one. I think of everything I’m bad at.
This is no excuse. But growing up my friends had books. Or calculators. Or even a map.
I had a tv.

I have no one to blame but myself, there’s no point in feeling sorry for myself but think about the things I can do instead.

Self pity is a horrible thing and it does a lot more damage then resolute. But in my time of self pity I did have time to reflect, I still have no idea what I’m going to do in life but I can’t waste any more time on self pity.

So let me get it out there:
I’m not the best writer
I’m not the best speaker
I’m not the prettiest
I’m not the most popular
I’m not the best artist

But that’s what makes me, me.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m thankful for what I have, in time maybe I can learn to write better or be more confident.

Thanks for reading 🙂