There wasn’t much to say for this one.
This isn’t any interview I can be honest.
My crippling awkwardness
My ability to always look at the worst things in life
My continual talent to put myself down
Sounds like anybody else, right?
I’ve always been called the black sheep but don’t necessarily know what makes me different. I guess self awareness is overrated.
I’m not sure if it’s like this in all families but TV and my own personal experience back this up. I have a weird family situation but essentially my mum has just me and my brother. So not the middle child here. However my dad has 4 kids and I happen to be the third.
I’ve always been insecure that I’m the least favourite. One time my dad read my diary and I said he liked them more than me (as well as reading who I was crushing on, which for a 10 year old was absolutely devastating). All he said was that he liked us all the same.
He could say that a thousand times but I wouldn’t believe him. That’s not the point either way. I just want to know why the eldest are the most liked because they’re the oldest. If you’re doing it because you’ve known them the longest then why are the youngest not the least favourite. Is it because you feel the need to baby them even though they are adults.
This was stupid. I’m just trying to do this as way to make myself feel better. But who else needs to read a blog post of complete self pity?
“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”
― John Gardner
It should be fairly obvious what this post is about. I haven’t posted for ages due to my a levels and feeling like I have failed every exam did send me into a chasm of self pity.
Which didn’t help anything and make me feel even more shit about myself.
All I think about is everything I’m bad at. My biggest downfall is comparing myself to others and honestly, I can not be the only one. I think of everything I’m bad at.
This is no excuse. But growing up my friends had books. Or calculators. Or even a map.
I had a tv.
I have no one to blame but myself, there’s no point in feeling sorry for myself but think about the things I can do instead.
Self pity is a horrible thing and it does a lot more damage then resolute. But in my time of self pity I did have time to reflect, I still have no idea what I’m going to do in life but I can’t waste any more time on self pity.
So let me get it out there:
I’m not the best writer
I’m not the best speaker
I’m not the prettiest
I’m not the most popular
I’m not the best artist
But that’s what makes me, me.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m thankful for what I have, in time maybe I can learn to write better or be more confident.
Thanks for reading 🙂
Fiction and Diary Entries 