In a word: escapism. I like not thinking about what ever has me feeling down. I avoid problems.
So when I feel down, I binge watch something. Read a book. Browse online. What makes me feel better is not thinking about things. When I feel like the problem is small enough or I acquire some courage to deal with it then I do but only after I’ve avoided the problem for a long enough time and possibly made it worse. I just like to step back and think about it.
I would like to just escape from my problems constantly. So escapism is there but it’s not the solution. For a while you can have problems that aren’t yours, you know it doesn’t affect you. There’s no consequences and no risk. It’s good for a while. At the very least.
My blog is by no means a relationship feed or filled with articles about boys. I am no Carrie Bradshaw and have no intention to be.
I think I have made it clear on this site that I am destined to be spinster. Especially seeing as I am terrified of commitment and much rather spend time with my friends discussing cats or fictional characters.
I make my need for a relationship clear in real life. With men and women alike, saying that I don’t see myself in a relationship and can’t stand the effort of other people beyond friendship.
But why oh why do guys think that I am not being serious. Why do they think my insults is flirting? Why must they put me on an awkward situation?
I appreciate men who friendzone me and I friendzone them, being friends and understand the boundaries. But some boys think that if I refer to them as a buddy and thinl that they should flirt anyway. My body is not capable of flirting, my childish face, bad hair and chubby stomach screams unattractive. I’m not trying to not look good but it happens.
The experience that spurred this one was that one “friend” who I haven’t seen in a few months, started to be more awkward than usual. In the past I have spoken about girls that he may like and my views on relationships so it’s pretty clear that I don’t want any unnecessary attention. In general I tend to have awkward reactions to very explicit conversations. Today in particular he singled me out of my friends and sat a little to close to comfort. Asked me about things that I haven’t told him, so clearly seen via snap chat months ago. He chose to spend time sitting with me than with his own friends until I told him that he should go. But not before hearing my friend mention something about my bra size under her breath. To which he continued to pester me about which size I really was. I told him very clear that I wasn’t gonna tell him but he made remarks that he wasn’t gonna quit. He then returned and mentioned about it again. My friends just made jokes that they were right that he wasn’t a friend and just an awkward fuckboy.
I haven’t noticed before but I’ve been told many times that he’s checked me out head to toe when my back is turned. Also the fact that he only greets my group of friends when I’m around. Which he makes an effort to sit next to me even asking me to move my belongings and make space for him. The worst thing is when he tries to touch my feet cos I put my legs on the table (with shoes obviously. But it’s still weird.)
People would probably just say if you were attracted to him it would be different. And to that I would say maybe. I haven’t been attracted to a real person I’ve met since I was 13 and I only fall for people with a personality to match mine and I need to know someone very very well before I get those romantic feelings. And I hate that he thinks he knows me well. The reason I’m not attracted to him is because of him. His face is decent and I can see if people are attracted to him but thinking about his face makes me feel sick.
I wanna be nice but don’t wanna give out the wrong impression. I’m done with the inappropriate comments, kissy faces and the touching.
The main reason I wrote this is because I feel weird but at the same time feel like I’m over exaggerating.
Why do guys flirt with friends? Or am I just being too sensitive?
Creative writing is something in which I am very interested but need a lot of practise in. so I thought I should try one of those challenges. The challenge is I generated 5 random words and I have 15 minutes to write a short piece on it. I think it would be a good idea t do these regularly.The five random words are:
(Note: this started of as a normal piece but as I went on my character was just talking about death and hope, so I apologise in advance.)
Despite the fact of the ongoing funeral, the afternoon was quite brisk and very much alive. The chairs were set out poorly, with no real sense of space. The rows of chairs almost resembled a school assembly instead of the reality. The casket was there to remind the guests of this. It laid at the front, it was closed, of course. Just a standard wooden casket, like anyone else, this person was once a living breathing person but was now just another body in a casket. The guests had a look of regret and sorrow on their faces. The distraught wife clinging to her napkin but consciously hoping her mascara doesnt run. The kids who know were they are but are not affected by the news. The parents who enter looking as white as sheets whilst wondering where the time went.
The staff had straight faces, feeling no obligation towards the man in the casket, but why would they. He would just be another statistic to them.
People meeting up in one space to celebrate the dead seems like a grim thought. However, it doesn’t need to be. Death isn’t happy but it isn’t necessarily sad. The person is gone but it doesn’t diminish the memories we shared and make it less important. Quite the opposite, in fact.
It’s rather weird to think of death like this. A person has left this world and eventually everyone else will too. It’s often says that every humans downfall is death, these people are wrong. A humans downfall is that they fear death. They sit around wondering what it would feel like, what there last words would be. Others embrace death, and it’s for these that there are hope. They don’t crave it nor do they fear it, but this hope in human nature is very much like a drug. It keeps you wanting more and often blinds the addict. However, this hope is much stronger than any narcotic I have ever come across.