I Guess This Is My Life Now

Eyes fluttering open before dawn,

Continuing the endeavour till way after dusk,

I sometimes forget what that fire looks like,

How much it burns,

It’s so odd how the memories feel so distant,

What if this isn’t the life I wanted?



But am I

smart enough

strong enough

bothered enough

to break out this perpetual circle of disdain and futility

October Writing Challenge: Day 14

I’m worried I’ll be in a dead end job with incompetent managers. I’m worried I wont be content with what I have. I’m worried I’ll die knowing how it started. 
As much as I say I don’t miss uni, I miss the memories. I miss avoiding all responsibility. Skipping lectures to eat with your friends. Have no cares even though I should care. Not worrying about what’s next. 

Even though I only work part time, maybe less than part time. I just wanna blow off work one day and do everything I’m not meant to. Pull a sickie and then meet my friends to chill and grab dessert. 

I hate that I need to think about what’s next. I hate that I have no clue. I hate there’s a voice inside me that I’ll spend my whole life trying to figure it out. As a result I hate that I might never be happy with this grating voice. 

I just worry that I’ll never do what I want. 

I worry I may never find what I want.

Working in Retail Has Made Me Lose Faith in Humanity

It sounds over dramatic. And rather brash. But it is the honest truth. Everyday that I work in this shop has actually made me lose my faith in humanity. Not only is it shitty customers but also a shitty boss. The idiocy that comes from some people actually makes me physically cringe in front of their very faces. But what’s worse than this is the smartasses that have superior look on their face.

I am no longer nice to my customers as I have no reason to be. Every now and then there will be a customer who you genuinely like but then that satisfaction is rather short lived as another ass hole walks through the door.

But it’s sad that even though it is something I do once a week, I still have to do it.

I hate my job and my boss and am probably the only teenager who dreads Saturday for the very reason of working.

Yep, I sound like a bitch. And I really don’t care.