At World’s End: Prologue

In a time of complete turmoil, when the Earth is in distress, the thought of living became menacing. 

Many died. Whether it be in poverty, in riots or by the hands of their fellow man, there was never a time to mourn. 

Those people left behind — the “lucky” few — roamed the land, looking for a way to survive. Living off scraps, alone in their sadness. To be left alive was considered luck but to live was not lucky. 

They had seen their families die before their very eyes. Watched the devolution of humankind and eventually the death of humanity. There was no solace. Surviving for the sake of simply not dying, with no hope was cruel. But some could not justify the alternative — choosing to die on their own terms when the darkness became too much. 

The battle of the land had long finished but the war never ended. In this desolate place, life is often forgotten and death is far kinder.

However, human nature dictates that a fighting instinct remains until the very end. Even in a lifeless expanse of sand as far as the eye can see with the blistering heat beating down, there was finally a sign of life. The sound of laughter from a young woman as she ran across the land with a slightly older man trailing behind. Two mismatched people seeking survival.

The Long Exhausting Life of a Vulture

I am a bird of prey,
Knowing only two things: to fly and to feed,
There is not much else to say,
Abiding to a cycle of search, eat and breed,
The same, every day
What more is there that I need?

For humans, it is difficult,
But when there is a war,
They’ve lost, knowing it’s their own fault,
But I continue to soar.

To me, they are no more than meat,

I should be content not to die,
While their corpses are littered in the street,
My own kind flourish in the sky

Surely, they are just like me,
So why am I filled with disgust?
Food, like them, is all I see,
Their next victim is seen in the dust,
Although this is no body,
However, it’s still what they lust.

The human is alive,
Albeit, on their last strand of life,
Someone must take a dive,
So they don’t yet feel the sharp scythe.

If they are as good as dead,
It shouldn’t be left to rot,
We should be fed,
As long as it’s not for nought.

As they drew toward the child,
I feel I want to cradle the thing,
They were so wild,
That something tugged at my heart string.

Every instinct I have installed in my body
Is aching,
I didn’t think this feeling was a possibility,
My very being is the very thing I’m contradicting,
As I flew to she,
And perched my body next to hers, in the warmth under my wing.

I gave the heat,
That no one showed the compassion to,
I gathered our food with my crows feet,
I did whatever I could possibly do.

She had no life nor a name,
She’s only known war and struggle,
It was such a shame,
She didn’t look like food because I was full.

I’m the only one to show any kindness,
The truth is kind of sick,
But better than nothing in this mess,
Everything, like it happened, was too quick.

The disgusted glares of my brothers as they looked over me,
My emotion was not invited by them,
But I couldn’t leave her be,
I would much rather be the one to face the condemn.

They would often taunt me,
However I wouldn’t shake,
Even when they used their long claws to bully,
And then my wings would break.

I would limp to the river,
My spirit still not be crushed,
But my frail body would still shiver,
These moments away from her was the only times I was fussed

It would hurt not having a home,
But watching her age,
Seeing her able to roam,
It was like a book turning another page.

When I saw that she lived for her,
No amount of grief would take away that joy,
Therefore when I left bloody trails further,
I could only play coy.

She began to look over us,
When I was completely wrecked,
She never kicked up a fuss,
It was almost perfect.

But everything changed when the hunters came,
They damaged my beautiful home,
It was such a shame,
That once again I was left to roam.

They burnt the forest,
Killed for sport,
Truly becoming a pest,
Like the ones the fought.

My loathing for them was intolerable,
But she became infatuated with these fools,
Once upon a time her eyes were dull,
but they sparkled upon seeing these animals

She watched them from afar for a long time,
Until those tyrants took her away,
It was really the greatest crime,
And for that they shall pay.

For her I left the place I call home,
Yet she could not do the same,
I was left alone,
Most definitely lame.

By this time the war was long past,
The humans have entered a golden age,
But every other being had to run fast,
Away from the humans rage.

We were not so lucky, not allowed to rest,
We are hunted, running,
Barely alive at best,
We are homeless again — left with nothing.

Many of my brothers since thenhave passed,
I always thought their spirits have been starved,
But as I go past the place I once called home, which will be the last,
I see that they have nests of children, in their spirits are their parents carved.

Not hungry,
They scoured for them when push came to shove,
And the truth that I couldn’t see,
Was to provide for the ones that they love.

It has dawned that I’m the one who is pathetic,
They were not monsters — they did what they must,
I felt sick,
Left by myself in the dust.

The humans did what they did not for survival,
But for entertainment,
Just like an animal,
I raised the monster I was sent.

As I flew to find food,
I had no purpose,
So for me to still try to survive was albeit kind of crude,
But I’ve lived for less.

Now that I had nothing, not drive or even energy,
I truly believed this to be my ending,
Until a woman with her resemblance uncanny,
Had approached me, and upon her seeing.

She grabbed her bloodied knife,
And granted me a corpse,
I did what I did best in my life,
And fed of the poor creature as my mind warps.

She patted my head,
And spent time until I could fly,
Said she was glad I wasn’t dead,
And when she parted with me, she did genuinely cry.

Seeing her children and her family,
With her own happiness,
It made me smile and I didn’t know I could be so sappy,
I’m glad, I must confess.

And it was like the beginning, my life on repeat,
She left food out,
Happy, full and complete,
But why did I feel still some doubt?

It got all too familiar when she got ill,
She became skinny once more,
I watched from the windowsill,
When everyone would come through the door.

Unable to walk,
What was left was skin and bones in a pile,
No more could she couldn’t talk,
Or even smile .

They carried out a party upon her death,
Wearing all black,
As I let out a breath,
Watching them crowded as a pack.

They were completely disgusting,
As I felt moisture run down my face,
It was somehow touching,
That I wasn’t, as I always believed, a lost case.

As they screamed and blubbered,
I still watched from the fence,
And joined as they mourned,
Her beautiful existence.

I wasn’t just watching,
I participated,
As we celebrated her living,
and this day that was fated.

I stayed,
Watching her I let out a cry,
There was still a happy face even in the dirt where she was laid,
Now was the time I could finally say goodbye.

Doing what I couldn’t do those years,
Because of the pity I felt before,
But now as she grew and overcoming those fears,
I devoured begging for more,

Tears that I didn’t think I was capable of still flowed,
It was intoxicating,
I ate and I was full once again in the cold,
I had taken away what was left of her being,

Now it was truly over.

I’m Fully Over This Challenge 

I’m behind and bored of this challenge so this will be the penultimate day, even though technically I’m on Day 22.

Pet peeves:

  • People who stand on the wrong side of the escalator especially at rush hour (I feel like this is a really British pet peeve) Or stop in the middle of a crowded area.
  • People who lack the concept of personal space. A bonus is when they have bad personal hygiene like body odor or bad breath. 
  • Seeing kids rude to their parents, like I always see kids out with their parents wearing headphones ignoring their parents. I know it is none of my business and it shouldn’t bug me but it does. 
  • Rude people in general and people who bitch behind others back. At least have the balls to say it to their face. Add racist people and hypocrites to this.

    Please comment your peeves too (so I don’t feel like I’m easily annoyed). I’m curious to see what other ones there are.

    October Writing Challenge: Day 21

    This may be the most mundane thing you will read today but here goes. A log of 25/10/2017:

    • ​Woke up to realise my mum had called from the other side of the world 
    • Called her back and groggily told her the time 
    • Finally worked up the effort to roll out of bed 
    • Daily hygiene hijinks 
    • Eyeliner eyeliner eyeliner 
    • Quickly do some cleaning before the parents get back 
    • Do my hair and get changed for work
    • Daily dose of public transport 
    • Work work work
    • Get off and meet my friend for linner (like brunch but between lunch and dinner)
    • Burgers 
    • Crepes 
    • A catchup with a stroll through the park 
    • Continuing the catchup
    • Home time = pajama time 
    • Apply for jobs after I accidentally withdrew a previous application for a job I really wanted. 
    • The apprentice is on! 
    • Bed time I guess? (And by that I mean scroll through Instagram and watch some episodes of a TV show before I fall asleep)

    A Letter To Someone 

    To Mum, 

    Thank you for all you’ve done. I know we both mutually piss each other off. I know sometimes I’m a piece of shit. But thank you for your endless support. For letting me do what I want. Not questioning my life choices. Always being the happiest when something good happens. Thinking I’m actually good as I am. Thinking I’m beautiful.
    I want to let you know how much I admire your strength which is often undermined. Also, to say that you’re so compassionate more than anyone I know. It’s not just a mum thing, only you can be so compassionate and forgiving. It’s not a weakness, never let it be your weakness. It’s another strength.
    I just want to say I love and admire you. I also would like to say that I want you to follow those dreams you’ve had but didn’t persevere. I want you to make it. I don’t want them to give you a reason to not finish. You’ll make it because you are you.
    For all you believed in me, I know you can do it.

    Love from a daughter who doesn’t deserve you.

    October Writing Challenge: Day 19

    There wasn’t much to say for this one.

    ​This isn’t any interview I can be honest.

    My crippling awkwardness
    My ability to always look at the worst things in life
    My continual talent to put myself down
    Sounds like anybody else, right?

    I’ve always been called the black sheep but don’t necessarily know what makes me different. I guess self awareness is overrated. 

    The Constitution of Marriage Simply Confuses Me

    Still a little bit behind with this being the October Writing Challenge: Day 18.

    Disclaimer: Single as fuck over here. 

    Love is meant to be beautiful. Hard yet sweet. The most noble thing you can do for someone is love them.
    Yeah, sounds like bullshit to me too.

    Marriage is quite a common step after love.
    I’ve never had an urge to die alone, but it doesn’t seem completely unlikely to me. I often joke about dying alone, no one would want me. I am not capable of love but the companionship of marriage is not completely horrible.

    To be honest, it’s the expectation to be in a relationship is harder. Like for a young Asian woman there’s an expectation of marriage. I don’t care for it, not now at least, but it’s the continuous nagging.

    I remember once when I was forced to go to a wedding. (I can discuss how much I hate weddings and how I kick up a fuss when I’m
    forced to go but that can be saved for a whole other post.)

    So like always I minded my own business, avoiding others and trying to look busy on the phone. But this older woman began to talk to me. She was nice and friendly. She began casually talking about marriage, which given the setting was not odd. She was quite accepting of my inability to cook just mentioning when marriage arises I will also have a desire to and can get my husband to cook for me. I told her that marriage wasn’t for me and that I’ve got time before I think about all that shit.
    She was even saying that she knew a young girl who got married while still studying and she continued with it because her in-laws were amazing to her. Treated her like a daughter and had a mutual understanding.
    She then began to mention her son who has an attitude like me to marriage. When she said he was 24, I just defended him saying that he’s young and you should let him do what he wants.

    At the time I thought nothing of it. She was saying that he’s an engineer so I joked saying that he can hook me up with a job.

    So when me and my mum went, my mum just goes, “you know she was looking for her son?”
    I replied, “yeah, shes probably looking. Hope she finds someone nice.”
    “I meant she was looking at you.”
    And me being me just goes “nah she was starting a conversation.”
    Wow I am dense.

    Even now my parents keep saying that I should be in some kind of relationship.
    I believe im destined to die alone. There’s nothing wrong with it. It makes life easy. But sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever start to feel lonely but then it would be too late.

    No one deserves me. Not because I have that much confidence in myself but because not even I like myself. I can never give them the love they deserve if I don’t love myself. No one deserves that.

    All we can see is how life slowly unfolds. 

    October Writing Challenge: Day 17

    “Hold fast to dreams 

    For if dreams die 

    Life is like a broken-winged bird 

    That cannot fly.”

    -Langston Hughes 

    It might seem like such a cliche. Don’t give up persevere, blah. But to me, it’s so poetic, immediately when I read this I see the imagery of it. It’s so short yet so descriptive. 

    It’s fairly straight forward, Hughes says that we must hold on to our dreams. If we do not then life is as about futile as bird without flight. A bird who is physically pained trying to do what is meant to do. That is the same as a person, without dreaming there is no meaning. It’s in our nature to dream, we get so down on ourselves without dreams. 

    I guess there are the exceptions similar to a flightless bird. But even as a pessimist, a person will always end up dreaming otherwise we will get nothing done. 

    It’s simple yet effective.

    October Writing Challenge: Day 16

    Happiness is.. 

    The first bite of an extra chocolate cake
    The feeling when someone says they were thinking of you
    Meeting a friend after a long time
    Being with the ones you love
    Buying yourself that new shirt or shoes
    Listening to your favourite song
    Saying your favourite joke

    Happiness is everywhere

    Don’t miss out on the smallest things that make you happy. No matter how small or vain the indulgence is, as nevertheless it’s still happiness. In this life, it isn’t always the only option so when it is, take it.

    Remember there are two sides of the coin and both can never be happiness. 

    October Writing Challenge: Day 15

    In a word: escapism. I like not thinking about what ever has me feeling down. I avoid problems. 

    So when I feel down, I binge watch something. Read a book. Browse online. What makes me feel better is not thinking about things. When I feel like the problem is small enough or I acquire some courage to deal with it then I do but only after I’ve avoided the problem for a long enough time and possibly made it worse. I just like to step back and think about it.

    I would like to just escape from my problems constantly. So escapism is there but it’s not the solution. For a while you can have problems that aren’t yours, you know it doesn’t affect you. There’s no consequences and no risk. It’s good for a while. At the very least.